There's a Story In There Somewhere... September 4, 2007 08:09
But I'll be damned if I can find it!
Dear Stella: He's Got a Cellphone Sweetie September 5, 2007 07:47
I have a boyfriend that I really love very much. I'm honest with him and I always trusted him. But........
(The Rest of the Story...)
Friday Vid: Pickup Truck Boogie September 7, 2007 07:34
This dog's got rhythm!
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Monday Morning Grin: Try saying these after 2 beers! September 10, 2007 07:18
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionality 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Transubstantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex. 2. Nope, no more booze for me! 3. Sorry, but you're not really my type. 4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry. 5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight? 6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke. 7. I'm not interested in fighting you. 8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool! 9. I must be going home now as I have to work in the morning.
Looking for an unusual gift? Check this out! September 12, 2007 07:31
Candy You Ate as a Kid
The other day, I was looking for an unusual gift to give to my best friend, who was about to turn 50. So of course, I went online, surfing around for ideas, and landed on this cool website, which sold fresh candy.
But not just any old candy, the candy treats you will remember from childhood! I remember buying this stuff mainly at the movie theater on a Saturday afternoon. I just had to get it, so I bought a 4 lb box of candy from the 60s (meant for a 50th birthday). You can order candy from different decades.
Gosh, it was loads of fun when he opened my gift! There was SenSen, Chick-O-stick, wax lips and Teaberry gum. There was Necco wafers, Sugar Babies, candy buttons and candy cigarettes.The list goes on and on... We had a ball; popped in a DVD, picked out our treats, and enjoyed a tasty trip down memory lane.
Friday Vid: The Farmer's Daughter September 14, 2007 07:07
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Monday Morning Grin... Up In Smoke! September 17, 2007 07:09
This is supposedly a true story and was the First Place winner in a recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
Charlotte, North Carolina.
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive Cuban cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued.. and WON!
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. He then stated that nevertheless, the lawyer held a policy from the company, which had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire", and so was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeals process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars in the "fires".
NOW FOR THE BEST PART..
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
Ever wonder why third world countries think Americans are crazy?
For Your "Useful Things To Know" File September 18, 2007 07:22
I had a neighbor who had bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around the sides of this beige truck (for some unknown reason). I went over, woke him up, and told him the bad news.
He was very upset and was trying to figure out what to do, probably nothing until Monday morning since nothing was open. Another neighbor came out and told him to get his WD-40 and clean it off. It removed the unwanted paint beautifully and did not harm his paint job that was on the truck. I'm impressed! WD-40: who knew?
Water Displacement #40. The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a "water displacement" compound. They were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD-40. The Corvair Company bought it in bulk to protect their Atlas missile parts.
Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you.
When you read the "shower door" part, try it. It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as glass. It's a miracle! Then try it on your stovetop... Voila! It's now shinier than it's ever been. You'll be amazed.
Here are some of the uses for WD-40:
1) Protects silver from tarnishing. 2) Removes road tar and grime from cars. 3) Cleans and lubricates guitar strings. 4) Gives floors that 'just-waxed' sheen without making it slippery. 5) Keeps flies off cows. 6) Restores and cleans chalkboards. 7) Removes lipstick stains. 8) Loosens stubborn zippers. 9) Untangles jewelry chains. 10) Removes stains from stainless steel sinks. 11) Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill. 12) Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing. 13) Removes tomato stains from clothing. 14) Keeps glass or plastic shower doors free of water spots. 15) Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors. 16) Keeps scissors working smoothly. 17) Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes 18) It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Use WD- 40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It doesn't seem to harm the finish and you won't have to scrub nearly as hard to get them ff. Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks. 19) Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly! Use WD-40! 20) Gives a child's play gym slide a shine and a super fast slide. 21) Lubricates gear shift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers. 22) Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises. 23) Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open. 24) Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close. 25) Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers. 26) Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles. 27) Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans. 28) Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling. 29) Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly. 30) Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools. 31) Removes splattered grease on stove. 32) Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging. 33) Lubricates prosthetic limbs. 34) Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell). 35) Removes all traces of duct tape. 36) Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain. 37) Florida's favorite use is: "cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers." 38) The favorite use in the state of New York: WD-40 protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements. 39) WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a LITTLE on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time. Also, it's a lot cheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for just that purpose. Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing are not allowed in some states. 40) Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch. 41) WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag. 42) Also, if you've discovered that your teenage daughter has washed a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and re-wash. Presto! Lipstick is gone! 43) If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it displaces the moisture and allows the car to start. 44) Keep a can of WD-40 in the kitchen; it is good for oven burns or any other type of burn. It takes the burned feeling away and heals with NO scarring.
The basic ingredient of WD-40 is FISH OIL.
Note: IF WD-40 doesn't fix it - in true southern style - get out the duct tape!
Friday Vid: Love Them Kitties! September 21, 2007 08:06
Monday Morning Grin- Living Life Backwards... September 24, 2007 09:07
I want to live my next life backwards. Here's why:
You start out dead and get that right out of the way. Then you wake up in an old age home, feeling better every day. Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. You enjoy your retirement and collect your pension. Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're too young to work. You get ready for high school: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous. Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, play, and have no responsibilities. Then you become a carefree baby, and then... You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap , and then...
You finish off as an orgasm!
I rest my case ........................................
Dear Stella: Christmas is a Mess! September 26, 2007 07:11
My girlfriend and I have been dating for over 2 years. We are both in college and dating long distance, very long distance... (The Rest of the Story...)
Friday Vid: Looking For a Job Change? September 28, 2007 07:44