50 year old wife of 18 years left me for lesbian woman.

by Bob
(Atlanta)

My wife of 18 years has left me for a lesbian woman. We have 3 children. She has never had any homosexual tendencies and we have children. Is this some kind of mid-life crisis or is this for real? What should I do now?


____________________________________________

Answer from Stella:

Hi Bob,

I'm so very sorry to hear of your recent loss. When a grown woman leaves to be with another woman, it is not likely to be any kind of mid-life crisis.

She has probably known she was homosexual for years but finally got up the courage to follow her sexual preference openly. There is virtually no chance of her "going back" the way things were. I know this must be devastating for you, but you will need to accept the fact she is gone for good and begin to grieve and heal from this loss.

Good luck to you and your children...
Hope this helps!

***Do you agree with Stella's advice? Why or why not? Leave your thoughts below!

Comments for 50 year old wife of 18 years left me for lesbian woman.

Click here to add your own comments

True
by: Anonymous

I agree with Stella. Your wife has always been a lesbian but was trying to live a "normal" existence as, tragically, we live in a society that has great difficulty accepting homosexuality as something as perfectly normal as heterosexuality. There is enormous pressure to yield to social convention.

Your wife loved you and made a life with you. She had your children. She tried her best because you were worth it. Take comfort in how exceptional you are in that sense and move on. I hope that you can accept the loss and, down the road, maybe even be friends for the sake of your children and for simple closure. Best of luck to you.

Acceptance
by: Anonymous

It would be easier to accept this of she would accept who she is . Now do to social pressures, she is questioning her sexuality a questioning the divorce. In doing so she is attacking me. By accepting her and letting her know that I rarely believe out will set me free. Thanks for the advicefrom those who took the time to offer advise. Hopefully I can find the peace to move on.

Her acceptance
by: Anonymous

She is now only friends with her new parent and is trying to "find out who is". Up to this point I had accepted her and was looking forward to moving on. I have entered the dating world and found that women are very attracted to me. I guess living with a closet gay wife and dealing with these struggles has seasoned me and taught how to communicate and treat a woman.
One problem; In still married. Its not so bad when I tell them that my wife is gay, but its still there and nice women are a little fearful of that. After a year, I feel ready to move on, but my wife is now hanging on and talking at divorce. I can no longer stay in this relationship and I feel like Im trapped. Also, part of me still wonders that she may decide to want to come back and I would lose that opportunity. My friends and family and even her family say that they don't blame me for wanting to


Please help me get out of this the most amicable way possible.

Also, I am soon tempted to have sex with a woman. Its very hard to just turn off my sex drive
P

Please. I want to start living again. Two years this is enough.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Dear Stella.