Poetry Contest Winner... "It's True Love"
"It's True Love"
She is loving and caring
She is honest and beautiful
She is strong and pretty inside and out
She is special in every way
Ask me how I know?
Because she is me
***And we're not being facetious here... self love is a wonderful thing; a
must for building great lasting relationships with others. Read our collective
wisdom on self-esteem and self love here:
My guy submitted this one...
THE THREE STAGES OF MARRIAGE:
Keep smilin, guys!
I came across this great little article by Randy Hicks that I thought you might
enjoy reading. Warning! He "proposes marriage"!
But he has a very convincing argument...
Commitment With its Fingers Crossed
I had a pretty annoying habit well into my twenties. When someone would invite
me to do something like meet for dinner on Saturday night, I would say I could
probably make it, but wouldn't actually commit so that I could keep my options
open in case something more appealing came along.
Essentially I was saying (though never verbally), "You're the best offer I've
got right now. I was hedging my bets.
This came to mind recently when I saw a news report that Kansas City Chiefs
tight end Tony Gonzalez was planning a "formal commitment ceremony" with the
girl he has dated for the last few years. "We're not signing any papers," he
told a reporter, "but I wanted the world to know that I love her and want to
spend my life with her. I did it the best way for me."
I'll avoid speculation about how one communicates to his girlfriend that he's
committed to her for life while not being willing to make it official by getting
married. But I think this story does raise several concerns.
It's likely that Tony Gonzalez really means well by doing what he is doing. He
has declared his love and desire to spend his life with a woman he cares for.
But for centuries these ingredients have usually manifested into the act of
marriage a public declaration, recognized by law that you are wholly committed
to one spouse and no one else. Is he communicating in word and deed that
marriage doesn't matter?
Most who chose to respond to the news story in the blogs wrote in support of
Tony's plans. One blogger called him a "man of the people," and said: "When
married, do you automatically begin to love your significant other that much
more?? NO!!!!! Marriage is a title which serves little-to-no purpose, other than
future headaches." Unfortunately, this notion that marriage is meaningless
reflects the feelings of a lot of folks today. This is evidenced in part by the
increased acceptance and prevalence of cohabitation. More and more people are
opting to live like they are married, but are not willing to make the commitment
In Georgia, it is estimated that there are over 160,000 households with
unmarried partners. A recent Pew Research Center study found acceptance of
cohabitation was highest among young adults. I have written before about how,
despite popular belief, choosing to cohabit rather than get married can be
Living together outside the total commitment of marriage is strongly linked to
future instability in the relationship, reduced safety for the couple and any
children involved, and less satisfaction and contentment with the relationship.
The fact is there is a difference between marriage and cohabitation. Part of the
distinction is the mindset that each arrangement involves. The cohabiting person
is essentially in a position to ask, "Is this working for me? Am I getting
everything I want out of this relationship?" And there is that nagging question;
"Should I continue along this path?" If feelings change, then there is an easy
In cohabitation, it really doesn't have to work because getting out is
relatively easy to do. Unlike cohabitation, healthy marriage requires the spouse
to approach the relationship with a mind toward making it work. They are already
on the path. As difficult as it may be sometimes, it is crucial in marriage to
ask, "Is my spouse satisfied? Am I giving my spouse everything he or she needs
to be fulfilled in this relationship?" In marriage, there is incentive to make
it work that goes beyond satisfying one's own feelings. The act of getting
married has made it clear for everyone to see: this commitment is real. Strange
as this may sound, marriage is not just about feelings, even feelings of love.
True love transcends feeling and is ultimately best expressed in a sacrificial
commitment to the other person.
Author Maggie Gallagher, in her book The Abolition of Marriage, had this to say:
"Cohabitation comes wrapped in the language of commitment, but at its core it is
about anxiety, commitment with its fingers crossed
. [It] is what lovers do when
at least one of them does not dare to marry, to love without a net. It is yet
another confirmation of the triumph of fear over love, and perhaps the most
Frankly, there is nothing heroic, or even romantic about solely looking out for
your own interests in a relationship. This is a feelings-based approach that
spells disaster down the road. For a relationship to work, there are times when
it is necessary to ignore feelings, and choose to do what is in the other
person's best interest. Some of the most romantic stories and meaningful love
songs I have heard portray a love relationship that transcends feelings to
involve true sacrifice and the ability to overcome difficult trials.
I think about journalist and television commentator Mort Kondracke who cared for
his wife Milly, who battled Parkinsons disease for over a decade before she died
in 2004. Prior to her diagnosis, Milly had helped him overcome his alcoholism.
Their story was told in a CBS television movie called Saving Milly. This is a
story of true love.
True love and commitment is not all about feelings and self-fulfillment, it is
Tony Gonzalez said, "I did it the best way for me. (Get the ME part?) But true
and lasting love means committing yourself "for better or for worse, for richer,
for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day
forward, until death do us part."
*** Visit our
Pearls of Wisdom page for more of the best relationship advice you have ever
*Romance Tip: Surprise
your lover by performing one of her chores for her. (And not something easy like
carrying the groceries in from the car, but something that requires some time
and effort — like cooking all the meals over a weekend, or cleaning the entire
We hope you have enjoyed this issue of Love Bytes Ezine. Each month, we will bring you another inspiring photo, quote or poem, plus fresh new articles on love, intimacy, dating and relationships.
'Cause if you don't have love, nothing else matters...
~Stella and the girls from Findlove-Keeplove.com