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Love Bytes for July: Learn to Forgive * The Mayo Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee
July 01, 2010

Love Bytes, Issue #026 -- Forgive With Feng Shui * Mayonnaise Jar & 2 Cups of Coffee

July 01, 2010
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I have found men who didn't know how to kiss.
I've always found time to teach them."
                ~ by Mae West ~

Grandma was RIGHT! Learning to Forgive with Feng Shui...


Letting go of the old to allow the new in is a major principle in Feng Shui. Why then, when we are hurt by another's actions do we find it so hard to forgive? We are taught to "Go With the Flow", knowing that whatever is happening in our present is in our best interests, even though it may seem far from it at the time. It is often too difficult to see how such a negative force could ever have any good outcome. It is in the very act of letting go and releasing that hurt and energy that we carry around that which nourishes us, in the long run. If you take the perspective that it is far better for YOU to learn to let go of pain we feel others have caused us, you may find it easier.

Without making excuses for the other person's actions as a way to forgive them, just assume they didn't know any better. Remember, our perception of any event or action is always different from another person's perspective. It has always been impossible and quite often a waste of precious Energy to get someone to see things in a different light. We are the ones, then, that need to change our thoughts over the incident to release it and feel better, mentally and physically. It is a difficult concept, yet if I look back in my life to my own past hurts and disappointments perceived by another person's actions, I can see that eventually GOOD came from it. In ways that I never would have expected.

Perhaps it is because it caused us to change our course of direction, spurred us on to take actions or do things we wouldn't previously have done. Perhaps it is the theory that really is a universal law, that "What goes around, comes around" and we need do nothing harmful or revengeful to another with that law so firmly in place. It is only in changing OUR way of thinking, our perceptions of the situation and realizing that as difficult as it may seem at the moment to see any good possibly occurring from it, somehow learning to just know it on a different level will help us reach the state we need to heal ourselves.

Illness in our own bodies is a buildup of negative and blocked energy. When we can learn to take just the few positive things that come from any negative situation or to "see the silver lining" as my Grandmother used to say, we are only helping ourselves to deal and cope and thereby not allowing a buildup of this precious Energy escape us through ill health. According to Chinese principles, we are only born with a certain amount of Energy, and when that energy is used is when we pass to another place. They firmly believe that the only way to replace and restore this energy is through the ancient art of Tai Chi.

Unfortunately, not many of us practice Tai Chi (have you noticed how old some of those people that are faithfully in the Parks actually are?) Our alternative, then, would be to truly learn to let go and release old hurts, pain and disappointments for ourselves, to free ourselves and keep ourselves well.

And to see the silver lining in any situation. Grandma was right, after all.

*** For an excellent, compact and FREE guide to Feng Shui for romance, visit  Feng Shui Love.


The Mayonnaise Jar and Two Cups of Coffee


The following story is often told in lifetime management workshops:

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the two cups of coffee...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

"The golf balls are the important things -- your God, your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

"The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house, and your car.

"The sand is everything else -- the small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls."

"The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness:

o Play with your children.
o Spend time with your parents or grandparents.
o Take time to get medical checkups.
o Take your partner out to dinner.
o Play another 18 holes.

"There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter."

"Set your priorities... The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."


*Romance Tip: Email your baby at work. Or write a love letter on nice stationery. Speak from the heart. He might not admit it, but it's sure to touch him.

We hope you have enjoyed this issue of Love Bytes Ezine. Each month, we will bring you another inspiring photo, quote or poem, plus fresh new articles on love, intimacy, dating and relationships.


Cause if you don't have love, nothing else matters...


~Stella and the girls from

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