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Love Bytes * Dear Stella * The Science of Love * Little Things Mean a Lot
October 01, 2012
Love Bytes, Issue #051-- Dear Stella * The Science of Love * Little Things Mean a Lot
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Dear Stella: I'm Getting Married in August, BUT...
I am getting married in August. We have been together 2 years. He is a truck driver, gone all the time, for a week at a time. I am so lonely. He had an opportunity to cheat on me earlier in our relationship, while working in another state. I know that he came very close to doing it. I read his text messages and called the girl to confirm it. However, he did not go through with the sexual act.
I'm very insecure now. His excuse was that because he was gone all the time, he was needing companionship. Like I wasn't, or something. I guess my question is: "Do you think if he didn't follow through the first time, will there still be a second time?"
Your letter rings loud and clear with alarm bells, not wedding bells! You are lonesome and miserable, and you distrust and resent this man. And you're not even married yet! What makes you so sure they didn't "follow through"? Their word? On the remote chance that they did not get intimate, in answer to your question "Will there be a second time?" The answer is YES, there will be. A man who cheats is a man who cheats. (Goes for women, too). Please don't marry this guy. He obviously "needs companionship" you are not able to provide. Best of luck to you!
*** Access more of Stella's great love advice here: Dear Stella
The Science of Love...
What makes you fall in love ? Is it the physical appearance or mental stimulation provided by the love object? We all have a template for the ideal partner buried somewhere deep in our psyches. It is this "love map" that determines which person in a crowded room catches our eye. But how is this template formed?
Many researchers have speculated that we tend to go for members of the opposite sex who remind us of our parents.And some have determined that we tend to be attracted to those who remind us of ourselves. In fact, cognitive psychologist David Perrett, at the University of St. Andrews in Scotland, did an experiment in which he morphed a digitized photo of the subject's own face into a face of the opposite sex. Then, he had the subject select from a series of photos which one he or she found most attractive. He claimed that his subjects always preferred the morphed version of their own face (and they didn't recognize it as their own).
Like appearance, research has shown that we tend to form preferences for those who remind us of our parents (or others close to us through childhood) because of their personality, sense of humor, mannerisms, likes and dislikes, etc.
The hotly debated topic of human pheromones still carries some weight in the field of love research. The word "pheromone" comes from the Greek words pherein and hormone, meaning "excitement carrier".
In the animal world, pheromones are individual scent "prints" found in urine or sweat that dictate sexual behavior and attract the opposite sex. They help animals identify and choose a mate with an immune system different enough from their own to ensure healthy offspring. They have a special organ in their noses called the vomeronasal organ (VNO) that detects this odorless chemical.
The existence of human pheromones was discovered in 1986 by scientists at the Chemical Senses Center. They isolated these chemicals from human sweat. A human VNO has also been found in some, but not all, people. This is pretty heavy evidence that smell is an important aspect of love (also note the booming perfume industry).
One experiment was conducted where a group of females smelled the unwashed tee shirts of a group of sweaty males, and each had to select the one to whom she was most "attracted." Just like in the animal world, the majority of the females chose a shirt from the male whose immune system was the most different from their own.
Professor Arthur Aron, of SUNY, has studied love and has found that simply staring into each other's eyes has tremendous impact. In one of his experiments, Professor Aron put strangers of the opposite sex together for 90 minutes and had them discuss intimate details about themselves. He then had them stare into each other's eyes for four minutes without talking. The results? Many of the subjects expressed a deep attraction for their "staring" partner after the experiment, and two couples even ended up getting married six months later.
Wow! Girls, get out the eye-liner and mascara!
We hope you have enjoyed this issue of Love Bytes Ezine. Each month, we will bring you another inspiring photo, quote or poem, plus fresh new articles on love, intimacy, dating and relationships.
Cause if you don't have love, nothing else matters...
~Stella and the girls from Findlove-Keeplove.com
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