Surviving A Breakup

       

So you've just gone through a devastating break-up. My heart goes out to you. There is nothing quite as painful as being dumped by someone you thought was the One. I know you're probably feeling like your heart has been ripped out and stomped on and that your hopes and dreams have been shattered. Do what you have to do (within reason, of course) to grieve this loss--- cry, get angry, punch your pillow, throw darts at your ex's picture.

One thing you should not do, however, is visit, phone, email, or text you ex. You should have no contact whatsoever. Accept the fact that it is over and make a clean break. Keep your dignity intact. Trust me on this--- in the long run you'll be glad you did.

Thoughts of revenge may be going though your head, but please, don't act on them. Don't spread rumors, don't betray old secrets, and don't date or make out with his/her best friend to get even. Never resort to behavior that you will regret in the future. Always act with class and remember that the best revenge is for your ex to see that you are doing just fine without him/her. You've moved on and are happy.

Keep in mind that just because someone has broken up with you, it doesn't mean he or she no longer cares about you-it just means he/she no longer wants a relationship with you. It's very likely that breaking up with you was just as hard on him/her as it was on you. If you take revenge, any affection that this person feels for you could turn into hatred, and any chance you may have to re-establish a relationship (even if it's just as friends) will be shattered. And friends are valuable.

Have a pity party if you must, but do it in private. Then get off the couch, wipe those tears, and move on. It's wise to hold off on romantic relationships for a while. Give yourself some time to heal from this relationship. Work on rebuilding your life and rekindling old friendships you might have neglected when you were in the relationship.

You may not realize it yet, but a new life has just opened up for you. While right now your break-up may seem negative, it really was all for the best. One of the main reasons people fail to meet their true soul mate is they spend huge chunks of their life isolated with the wrong mate. You have just been given another chance to find your Mr. or Ms. Right.

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A Handy Anti-Wallowing Device

You often hear the expression "we learn from our mistakes". Well, in most instances that is a load of garbage. The only thing mistakes tend to do for most people is reinforce what a "useless, hopeless, no-good waste of space they really are, who got tricked into trying something they knew they could not do." Sound familiar?

You learn from reflecting on your mistakes. More specifically you learn from reflecting on what you did wrong, why it went so badly, if indeed it did go badly, and (here's the learning part) what you could do differently in the future. With an appropriate level of self-esteem you will learn to stop using those times of reflection as a chance to pay yourself out and turn them into constructive learning experiences that will be of use to you when next you are confronted with a similar situation.

One simple way to learn from your mistakes is to resolve that "if ever a similar opportunity arises in the future I will approach it this way rather than the way I did". Now, that might seem a bit awkward to remember, so two simple words you can carry around with you, no problems. Two simple words to stop you wallowing in self put down and pity.

They are …."next time". Next time I do this, I will…. Next time I meet that person…..Next time I come across this type of problem ……Can you see how that would be helpful to stop the wallowing and self recrimination and, instead use the situation as a learning experience. I use it all the time, but hey, the choice as to whether or not you use them, is yours.

***We have an excellent and quick read for you about self esteem and romance... give it a look see now!  Full Circle.

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*Romance Tip: Cook up some romance!

They say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach... well, the best route might just be a little further south than that... but good cookin' can't hurt! Learn the art of culinary seduction with our most excellent "soulfood cookbook",  Food For Lovers.