Surviving A Breakup
So you've just gone through a devastating break-up. My heart goes out to you.
There is nothing quite as painful as being dumped by someone you thought was the
One. I know you're probably feeling like your heart has been ripped out and
stomped on and that your hopes and dreams have been shattered. Do what you have
to do (within reason, of course) to grieve this loss--- cry, get angry, punch
your pillow, throw darts at your ex's picture.
One thing you should not do, however, is visit, phone, email, or text you ex.
You should have no contact whatsoever. Accept the fact that it is over and make
a clean break. Keep your dignity intact. Trust me on this--- in the long run
you'll be glad you did.
Thoughts of revenge may be going though your head, but please, don't act on
them. Don't spread rumors, don't betray old secrets, and don't date or make out
with his/her best friend to get even. Never resort to behavior that you will
regret in the future. Always act with class and remember that the best revenge
is for your ex to see that you are doing just fine without him/her. You've moved
on and are happy.
Keep in mind that just because someone has broken up with you, it doesn't mean
he or she no longer cares about you-it just means he/she no longer wants a
relationship with you. It's very likely that breaking up with you was just as
hard on him/her as it was on you. If you take revenge, any affection that this
person feels for you could turn into hatred, and any chance you may have to
re-establish a relationship (even if it's just as friends) will be shattered.
And friends are valuable.
Have a pity party if you must, but do it in private. Then get off the couch,
wipe those tears, and move on. It's wise to hold off on romantic relationships
for a while. Give yourself some time to heal from this relationship. Work on
rebuilding your life and rekindling old friendships you might have neglected
when you were in the relationship.
You may not realize it yet, but a new life has just opened up for you. While
right now your break-up may seem negative, it really was all for the best. One
of the main reasons people fail to meet their true soul mate is they spend huge
chunks of their life isolated with the wrong mate. You have just been given
another chance to find your Mr. or Ms. Right.
A Handy Anti-Wallowing Device
You often hear the expression "we learn from our mistakes". Well, in most
instances that is a load of garbage. The only thing mistakes tend to do for most
people is reinforce what a "useless, hopeless, no-good waste of space they
really are, who got tricked into trying something they knew they could not do."
You learn from reflecting on your mistakes. More specifically you learn from
reflecting on what you did wrong, why it went so badly, if indeed it did go
badly, and (here's the learning part) what you could do differently in the
future. With an appropriate level of self-esteem you will learn to stop using
those times of reflection as a chance to pay yourself out and turn them into
constructive learning experiences that will be of use to you when next you are
confronted with a similar situation.
One simple way to learn from your mistakes is to resolve that "if ever a similar
opportunity arises in the future I will approach it this way rather than the way
I did". Now, that might seem a bit awkward to remember, so two simple words you
can carry around with you, no problems. Two simple words to stop you wallowing
in self put down and pity.
They are …."next time". Next time I do this, I will…. Next time I meet that
person…..Next time I come across this type of problem ……Can you see how that
would be helpful to stop the wallowing and self recrimination and, instead use
the situation as a learning experience. I use it all the time, but hey, the
choice as to whether or not you use them, is yours.
***We have an excellent and quick read for you about self esteem and romance...
give it a look see now!