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Love Bytes, Issue #015 -- Lighter Side of Love & Dating Advice from Stella
August 01, 2009


Love Bytes, Issue #015-- The Lighter Side of Love-- Dear Stella: Compromise for love, or hold out for the best?
August 01, 2009

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        About Loss...

            

The day he moved was terrible-

That evening she went through hell.

His absence wasn't a problem

But the corkscrew had gone as well.

         ~Wendy Cope


                       


WARNING! Girls, don't let this happen to you on that first date...

There you guys are at Olive Garden... things are going great. Maybe this is your new soulmate? It's "wine-tasting" night--and you try them all. There's a soft, warm buzz in the air... is it true love? NO, just that damn demon alcohol, rearing it's ugly head!

           

Then, you do it... you mention...(7 things you should never mention on that first date)


NEVER MENTION:

1. How expensive Prozac is getting to be.

2. Why Marie Callendar is superior to Stouffers.

3. That your stalking ex-boyfriend just got out of jail.

4. How hard it is to keep the litter box clean with 4 cats.

5. Why you hate Nascar, March Madness and Monday night football.

6. That there's no room for another tattoo on your back.

7. Why body hair on a woman is earthy and natural.

These were kinda for fun. For a real and useful guide to making a great first date impression, visit Dating Dos and Don'ts.


Now for you guys...

Guys! 7 Things you should never mention on that first date...

         

You have wined and dined her. She's a hottie, and you really like her. This might just go somewhere, you know? You're looking buff tonight, and you have said all the right things... but then, it happens... you tell her...

(7 things a guy should never mention on that first date)

NEVER MENTION:

1. That your child support payment just went up to $900 per month.

2. How much your Mom loves her new digs over your garage.

3. That your stalking ex-wife just got out of the psychiatric unit.

4. How much you love March Madness, Nascar and Monday night football.

5. How your unemployment check is barely enough to make ends meet.

6. How much it hurt to get your XXX pierced.

7. The great mileage you're getting with your '72 Pinto.

Alright, now these were just for fun. For some great and useful dating tips, visit Dating Dos & Don'ts...
 


Dear Stella: Compromise for love, or hold out for the best?

We recently had a query to Dear Stella from "Confused":

Dear Stella,

I am 29, and have been dating this man for 10 months. He isn't and never has been affectionate. We have kissed maybe a handful of times. He doesn't hug or comfort me.

I love his personality. He is amazing. He is wonderful with my children. I am happy when I am with him, but when I am away from him I find myself complaining, wishing he was more supportive and affectionate. He has never met my friends or family. We are seldom intimate.

He tells me he loves me when I tell him. When I bring it to his attention, he will say it first. (He was the first to say it). On the weekends, we have a wonderful time drinking, listening to music together. We talk. We listen to each other. We have never been in a serious disagreement. I know his family and friends. We hang out with them all the time.

I feel like I am not being met half way. He says that he does the things I complain about, but I don't see it. He says the way he shows that he loves me is by spending every free moment he has with me.

My question for you is: Is it fair for me to be upset that he doesn't give to me what I give to him? (Meaning I do things for him out of my ordinary). He has been to my house one time. I go out of my way for him all the time, literally. He doesn't do anything out of his way for me.

I have tried to stop seeing him, but I don't even make it through the day. I am madly in love with him and fear losing him if I say something more to tell him I want more. I also wonder if it is fair to demand that someone change their ways to make me happy. He has been divorced and hurt. I try to be patient...
 


THIS WAS STELLA'S ANSWER:

Dear Confused,

You have a decision to make.

What is more important to you:

a. A good man who does not quite live up to your ideal of "romantic, thoughtful partner", OR...

b. Being alone and still looking for your "ideal" partner, who supplies you with the affection, warmth and thoughtful gestures you would like to have.

In other words, this man is NOT going to change for you; in fact, he will probably get "worse" in his lack of "girl comforts" that you crave. You will have to learn to forgo those requirements if you want to keep and be happy with this man you claim to love. But if you must have them, you will always resent his lack of thoughtfulness, and the relationship is doomed.

It's all about compromise, my dear.

My own partner is the most unromantic (gave me a camouflage fanny pack for Christmas), thoughtless (I've never gotten flowers from him) and sloppy man around. He wouldn't say "I love you" for three years (he was hurt badly by ex-wife, too).

But I traded in all my "woman expectations" because I love him very much. I waited it out because I did love him. Finally, something gave and he tells me he loves me fairly often. I don't get flowers and romantic dinners, but I do get something much better...

Stella.

P.S. On the other hand, the lack of sex thing IS a bit worrisome, and may need medical intervention. I would give this relationship a long trial spell before making things permanent.


THEN "ANONYMOUS" PUT HER TWO CENTS IN:

Settle?
by: Anonymous

Are you saying there is not a "perfect man" for everyone? Must we compromise? Why is it that we all have to settle? Who is to say that if we don't settle, that perfect man will find us? I want to believe that two hearts can be perfect for each other. That someone can be exactly what you are looking for. That I am exactly what someone else is looking for.

Why do you want to hug and kiss your children? (In the mother/father way) Why do you want to hear them tell you that they love you? It is something everyone needs.(affection). Why would you want to spend every day feeling rejected from this man that you have given your heart to? Why hasn't he met the family? 10 months is a long time. It is also a long time for him not to love you. Maybe he just loves your children?

 

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK? SHOULD CONFUSED WAIT IT OUT OR LOOK FOR GREENER GRASS?

Post your comments or advice here: Confused.

Lookin' for more in-depth help for your own relationship problems? Check out our great selection of self-help resources here: Relationship Problems.
 


We hope you have enjoyed this issue of Love Bytes Ezine. Each month, we will bring you another inspiring photo, quote or poem, plus fresh new articles on love, intimacy, dating and relationships.

                           

 Cause if you don't have love, nothing else matters...
           

~Stella and the girls from Findlove-Keeplove.com

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