A Cure For Jealousy!

Are you the jealous type? Is the "Green Eyed Monster" playing havoc with your love life?

Everyone feels the awful pangs of jealousy from time to time, like when a pretty girl smiles at your guy. Or your girlfriend gets a phone call from a strange man. Doubt can quickly rear it's ugly head.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Jealousy is quite a normal human emotion when your heart is on the line! But if you find you have more than your share, and it's causing you some misery, then by all means, find a cure for jealousy.

First you need to do a little homework. You must figure out:

1. Whether or not the jealousy is warranted (is he really cheating on you or planning to leave you?)
    
2. Whether you are letting jealousy consume you or hurt your relationship.

Before you pursue a cure for jealousy, it's crucial that you find out if your jealousy is justified, or just a sign of your own insecurity. How do you do this? Ask! Tell him about your doubts and fears, and ask him if you have anything to worry about. Then, watch him carefully as he answers your questions concerning other women. Trust your gut... you will probably know instinctively if he's lying or not.

(***If you truly feel that he might be cheating, and you just want to know for sure, check out our concise guide: Signs Of a Cheating Mate... in next week's ezine... don't miss it!)

Now then, if you're satisfied that (s)he really is faithful and true, then it's time to find a cure for jealousy, right?

Never assume that your mate will find your jealousy a sign of love, or feel flattered by it. Jealousy is not an affirmation of love. It is ugly. Nothing can ruin a relationship faster or more surely than jealousy. Your lack of faith in your partner can create anxiety, anger, loneliness, and fear in them. Jealousy can actually make you unattractive, even repulsive. It can douse the flames of passion. So never use jealousy as a tool to try to hold your mate!

What causes jealousy? Unfounded jealousy is caused by the insecurity of the jealous person. You actually doubt your own worth, your own ability to hold another person in a love relationship. Do some soul searching, and you will see that this really is the root of your problem.

Ready to find a cure for jealousy? Go on the attack:

1. Work on your self esteem. You must come to feel that you are worthy of a solid loving relationship. If your mate doesn't respect and value you, then find someone who does. You are worth it.

    

2. Acknowledge that you might not be able to totally get rid of your jealous feelings. Work on not dwelling on them when they do come, and they will eventually pass.

    

3. If you do relapse into a serious jealousy, do not act on those thoughts and feelings! Keep them from your partner. Keep them to yourself until they pass. Jealousy serves no useful purpose, and just makes your lover uncomfortable and unhappy.

    

4. Work on your self esteem (yep, it's that important). Read Stella's excellent self esteem article here: Full Circle.

You are worthy of love, and you can kill that green-eyed monster, jealousy, with a little work. Is your love relationship worth it?

Now then,  L. Ron Hubbard from Tips For Success  suggests a different approach. He feels that bringing it out in the open is the way to go...

If you are jealous, you need to communicate. You need to stop assuming the worst and ask questions. Communicate your feelings so you can work out solutions.

Bob says to his wife, "I don’t want to feel this jealousy. I want to get rid of it by asking you a question, okay? Good. So are you attracted to Joe?"

His wife says, "Heavens no! Joe just wanted some help with his son. I love YOU like crazy!"

Bang! The hidden communication is revealed. The mystery is resolved. Bob feels much better.

If Bob doesn’t communicate, his wife’s communication with Joe makes Bob jealous, afraid and angry. Their marriage suffers.

 

Use communication to resolve the problem. For example, you notice Marcia is acting upset and not talking. You ask yourself, "What's up with her?" You realize Marcia’s been acting annoyed ever since you started working for an attractive female boss.

"Marcia, have I told you about my new boss?" Marcia jumps up and now wants to talk. You communicate the facts and remove the mystery. Marcia is cheerful now and wants to go to a movie.

Use communication to resolve mysteries, and don't forget to reinforce your feelings for your mate. Tell him or her how you feel. Express your love. Show your affection.

Resolve the mysteries of the past. Discuss your feelings in the present. Make plans for the future. Because of communication, your relationship will be a big success.

~Excerpts by L. Ron Hubbard
 

We hope you have enjoyed this issue of Love Bytes Ezine. Each month, we will bring you another inspiring photo, quote or poem, plus fresh new articles on love, intimacy, dating and relationships.