A Myriad of Problems.

Dear Stella,


Ready for this story?

My girlfriend and I started to get to know each other in June of this year. She had witnessed my previous relationship and how that girl treated me and was always there for me. As we got closer, before we started dating, I slept with my ex. I felt horrible about this, so I came clean. Mind you, we weren't dating yet. She was distraught and felt as if I broke her trust (I don't blame her) and we stopped talking for a few weeks and she met a new guy and started dating him.

While dating this new guy, he treated her horribly. He would ditch her, forget about her, not talk to her, and generally not treat her like a gentleman should. So, when he would ditch her she would always come over to my place and I would console her. I genuinely cared for her and I tried to be there for her at all times. This "being there for her" turned physical and she cheated on her boyfriend with me and left him shortly after.

We started dating. But before that I made sure I apologized to her for my actions that caused a rift between us in the first place and we talked about it and put it in the past. Our relationship moved forward and we were very happy until her ex came back in the picture.

He would send her e-mails and texts about how much he missed her and wanted another chance and whatnot. She assured me multiple times that they were "just friends" and she doesn't see him in that light. In the beginning, I was fine with it, but his disrespectful talk never ceased.

I asked her to talk with him to cease these talks. She agreed with me and saw my point and spoke with him, but the things he said never stopped. I would only see what he told her by stroke of luck, I never snooped through her things, I never went through her cell phone. But text messages would come in while I would be utilizing her phone for whatever reason and I would question her about it.

The constant questioning eventually turned into arguing about me not trusting her. I realized what I was doing and I promised her I would never bring it up again.

Now, I have people telling me that they see his car outside of her house late at night, but she denies this.

I went on Vacation to visit my family and before I left I made sure I told her I trusted her and I will be back in time to spend new years with her. My first night away I receive an "Anonymous" email saying that he is at her house late at night again.

This time I don't confront her, I just let her know about the emails that I've received and that I still trust her and her judgment.

She then realized someone hacked into her email and was sending me information from conversations she was having with her ex. I never asked about the validity of the information I received, I always automatically assumed it all as false.

She had a friend of the family check out her computer to fix this supposed "hacking" problem.

This friend said her computer had a virus that was allowing someone to "watch" what she was doing on her computer and the information was being sent to my computer making me the "hacker". I'll admit I'm very good with computers, but I don't know how to do anything like that.

Now she thinks that I've been snooping through her things in the worst of ways and truly believes that I had something to do with this. I've told her plenty of times I would never do anything like that and I trust her whole heartedly and that I was an idiot for starting those arguments in the past and breaking her trust in the past.

But now I was to fix this problem, and I don't know how or where to start.

You advice is greatly appreciated,
Frustrated
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Hey there Frustrated,

I'm truly sorry, but I just do not see much of a solid future for you two. The trust was broken on both sides, and once the trust is broken it is VERY HARD (although not impossible) to forgive and trust again.

However, in your case, it seems like the doubt and jealousies are just getting worse and worse. I don't see how either of you can ever trust the other... too many questions and vague suspicions.

I know you don't want to hear this, but my best advice to you is to cut loose from this girl, lick your wounds, and start fresh with someone else. And guard "the trust" at all costs... it is priceless.

Good luck to you,
Stella

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