A Really Complicated Situation.
by Liam Hendrix
My best friend introduced me to a girl, one he liked alot. He asked me to help him to be with her. He introduced us online, for I live in another country than them. Slowly and gradually, I found out she liked him too and I saw the flicker of opportunity there. I convinced the girl for days and nights to let him know how she feels, for he is insecure about telling her. Finally she did and they got together.
At first they were both VERY grateful to me and I became a close friend of the girl as well. We shared all our problems and thoughts with each other and loved each other as friends.
...Then, my best friend changed with her. They started having arguments over little things regularly and they both even lowered their trust of each other. Being loyal to them, I kept helping them with their situations and always gave the right advice to both of them. But my friend one day told me he doesn't need my help and can deal with all this himself, although this made his situation worse (Perhaps ego?) and he slowly stopped taking me as a friend for some reason. Moreover the girl said she always needed my help for she can discuss anything at all with me and feels comfortable asking me for help and everything. Slowly me and her became best friends, somewhat.
It took a complete new turn on the day me and her had now been friends for over a year. She sounded really happy that I remembered the date we had first talked to each other. That day, she told me that she has fallen in love with me. To be noted here is that she was still with my friend, but she said I made it easy for her to tell me.
Seeing her situation, I tried to help her gain her love back with my friend, but she seemed too attached to me. She couldn't tell anyone else about this, so I started caring for her in this matter and always helped her. Gradually, I fell in love with her as well. I realized I didn't get creeped out when she told me, because I loved her alot already, just didn't realize it yet. Was this where we went wrong?
We knew right from the start that she still loved my friend and had a huge history with him and can't leave him for me, despite her saying she loved me more at first (Perhaps
an 'in the moment' thing). Nor do I want to do this to him either. He does not deserve being left, for he does love her too.
We decided we would slowly back off from this phase of relationship and become just friends again. But my friend has really changed with her and she likes this new change in him. She always tends to ignore me when he's around and she knows I get a little sad over that, but she gets upset over that, instead of trying to help me like I did when she needed it. She seems happy, and I just feel that she used me for the care he wasn't giving her. She does love me, but not as much as she claimed she did.
I don't mind at all that she has to be only friends with me and can't leave him, but in the end when he changed, how could she just slam the door shut on me so easily? Was she just distracted from him and used me for what she wasn't getting from him? Or is she just trying to make it easy for me to pull away?
I do love her more than anyone else and I have gone through many many many things for her, I would walk through fire for her, and could die for her. I realize I shouldn't have told her, but I just had to. I love her very, very much, and just want to be with her though I know I can't. I can accept we won't be together but I can't accept to see that she just used me for when she was distracted from him. I can't concentrate on anything and I have exams coming up. Please tell me what to do!
Answer from Stella:
Woah, Liam! You got emotionally involved when you really should not have. It does sound like she told you she loved you in a moment of uncertainty. But the vast majority of your tale, she is with him, prefers him, ignores you, etc. etc. They have a relationship going that you helped make happen.
Let her go and get on with your life. It will hurt for a while, but you need to make a clean break so you can heal and get over her. This means... no more advice from you.
That's the way I see it, Liam, good luck to you.
Hope this helps!
***Do you agree with Stella's advice? Why or why not? Leave your thoughts below!