Advice

by Anonymous
(England)

Hello. I have been looking for someone to go to for a long time but I've never found anyone. This is the last place for me to look.

A few months ago, I went on holiday to Turkey. I am quite young, and do not want to say my age, but I am young. I met a boy there nine years older than me that I instantly fell in love with.

My life was awful before he came into it and I was considering ending it. But when I came back from Turkey I just could not stop thinking about him and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

I got his email and we speak when he's online but it's really hard. My friend's have disowned me because I'm depressed because all I want to do is talk to him.

It's hard to explain how I feel. He's my life now. He's the thing I think of when I wake up, the only thing in my mind throughout the day- I just can't stop thinking about him.

I love him so much and I can never let go, it's just not possible. If I let go I'll have nothing left- he's all I have. I've totally fallen in love with him and I'd do anything for him.

But then there's a few problems. One, the age difference. My parents would never want me to have anything to do with him. Two, the distance. I want him so much and I'm so depressed- I miss him so much. Three, I doubt I'll be able to see him in a long time and I love him so much that that fact just makes things even harder...

The thing is, he never seems down and upset. He tells me he loves me but he doesn't seem to care like I do and it's really hurting me. If there's anything, he's not expressing it.

It's impossible for me to explain to you how I'm feeling, life is un-bearable, and I'm too afraid to ask or confront him about anything. It just seems too impossible that he will wait two years until I can finally go out there and be with him.

What do I do? Where do I start? That's why I have come to you- this is the last thing I can do. Please help me, I'm getting more depressed by the day and I need some help. Thank you.
-------------------------

From Stella:

Dear Anonymous From England:

I am so sorry to hear of your anguish and sadness over your recent romance with a man in Turkey. I am afraid that you have based your entire life and happiness on a relationship that doesn't sound very hopeful in any case.

I know you are not going to like my answer, but this man, who you barely know, is not going to be your "magic bullet" to save you from what sounds like a pretty unhappy life.

You must realize two things:

1. You must come to peace and acceptance of yourself and learn to love yourself before true love will happen for you.

2. Desperation is absolute poison to a relationship. If he feels like you are desperate to have him... or else... he will be gone.

I have two bits of advice for you: one is to visit our page Full Circle. If after reading this article, you don't get what I am trying to say, I strongly urge you to please get some professional counseling. I don't mean to offend you, but I do care, and don't want you to risk losing happiness (and even your life) over this situation. Please find a counselor to talk to and perhaps unravel why you were so unhappy to begin with.

Good luck, dear. Life is good, please get the help you need to find happiness once again.

Stella.