Am I Invisible?

by katie
(US)

I feel so lonely and depressed, I don't know what to do. Hubby doesn't even act like he is the least bit interested in me anymore. He has barely said 2 sentences to me the last 3 days, and when does say something to me it's cause he wants something, whether it be food or sex or whatever.

This has been going on and getting worse for the last month or so. We live with his 2 friends and he will come home from work and sit in the living room and talk to them and watch tv until he is ready to go to bed, then he comes in the bedroom and goes straight to sleep.

Everytime I ask him something or try to talk to him, he ignores me or just gives me a one word reply and walks away. We have a 3 yr old and we live with his friends so it's hard to get any time together. But the time he does have he doesn't want to spend it with me; hell he doesn't even want to talk to me!

I am so upset and I don't know what to do. I have never been great at expressing my feelings, but this has really been bothering me and I don't know how to make him realize that it's hurting my feelings and making me feel like crap.

It's like we are living two separate lives. I feel like I am invisible to him, I can literally be standing right in front of him and he won't even look at me. I know he stresses about things, work, money, etc. but he doesn't talk to me about it, he acts like its only his problems and only affects him, when it is OUR problems. We are suppose to be partners and deal with things together, but I'm always left in the dark.

How do I deal with this? How do I fix this, I want to be happy again.

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No, you are NOT invisible!
by: Stella

Dear Katie,

I am so sorry to say this, but something has gone terribly wrong in your relationship. If you are accurately describing how your husband is acting towards you, then he is not treating you with even a little bit of love and respect.

It sounds like he has lost interest in the marriage, for whatever reason, and just doesn't have the courage to look you in the eye and tell you what is wrong.

I hope I am wrong, and maybe there is another reason for his cold and rude behavior. The only way for you to find out is to force him to have a heart-to-heart, face-to-face talk with you.

How to do this? If I was you, I would open up your letter on your computer, print it out, and give it to him. You say you are not good at expressing yourself, yet you have pretty clearly expressed in your letter how profoundly unhappy and lonely you are. Give him the letter then tell him you need to understand what is in his heart, and he must talk to you, NOW.

Only then can you two decide where to go with your marriage.

***By the way, living with "his friends" is not conducive to a happy partnership. Move out or have them go. Your marriage may well depend on it.

Good luck to you Katie, my heart goes out to you, and I hope things work out for the best!

Stella

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