I have been seeing a man for almost 10 months. He moved in with me two months ago. He had lived with another girl for about 8 years and then she broke up with him about 3 years ago. He has alot of bitterness towards her; he says she cheated on him and used him. I am concerned that he isn't totally over her. Her name/number is still in his cell phone, she is still a contact on his email account, he has many pics and files of her on his computer, and he has old love letters and pictures of her in his cedar chest. He also has a picture of her in his wallet. (turned backwards). He has called me by her name 3 times. I am really ashamed, but I have done a fair amount of snooping through his things. When I ask him about some of the things I have found, he either denies them or gives me white lies. Example, I told him I had found a tape of "our love songs" that he had made. He denied that they ever had a cassette of love songs. However, when I put it on his desk...it disapeared.
He says he loves me completely. We are planning on spending the rest of our lives together. Marriage has been mentioned; though, I am not sure if it will happen.
I don't know if I am being overly sensitive and insecure about us...but, it really upsets me. How should I handle this? I have asked him to at least put "her" stuff away so that I don't have to see them. I didn't ask him to throw anything away, just put it away. I really need some help.
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Answer from Stella:
Dear Insecure,
No, you're really not being overly sensitive or insecure. Sounds like you need to be very cautious with this relationship, for two reasons...
1. There is very little trust going on here... not the basis of a solid long-term relationship.
2. He obviously is still emotionally involved with this woman, to some extent. I would be leery of committing long-term to this guy until I see if his last romance dims and disappears.
Be patient and see how it plays out. Good luck! Hope this helps!
***Do you agree with Stella's advice? Why or why not? Leave your thoughts below!
