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Find Love- Keep Love : Romance News : Fun & Games : Monday Morning Grin... You Can't Fix Stupid!

Monday Morning Grin... You Can't Fix Stupid!

As comedian Ron White often says, " You can't fix stupid."

Competition has been keen this year for the annual "Stupid Awards".

Eighth Place

In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.

Seventh Place

A 49 year old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff during his daily run.

Sixth Place

Buxton, NC : A 21-year-old man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole
he had dug in the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said he
dug the deep hole for fun, as protection from the wind, and was sitting
in a beach chair at the bottom of the pit when it caved in, burying him
beneath 5 feet of sand. Onlookers used their hands and shovels to try to
dig him out, but could not reach him in time. It took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people
looked on. He was pronounced dead at a nearby hospital.

Fifth Place
A 24 year old thief was killed in Lompoc, CA, when he fell through the
ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Instant death ensued when
the flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed
into the base of his skull as he hit the floor face-first.

Fourth Place
A 26-year-old man was killed in Selbyville, Delaware, as he won a bet
with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place

The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington, DC
is my personal favorite! This was apparently this guy's first (and last)
hold up:

1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers-- firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car
parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work.
Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber panicked, announced a hold-up,
and fired a few wild shots from his target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a 9mm
GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several
customers who also drew their guns and fired.

The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene
investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The
subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified
rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of
gunfire.

SECOND PLACE
K.B. had been drinking with several friends when one of them
said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and
at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM.
Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one
had brought rope for the bungee adventure.

K.B., who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a
coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the cable was secured
around KB's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted
40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He
miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two
nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said KB, "is that God was watching
out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it."
His severed foot was never found.

AND THE WINNER IS...

An overzealous zookeeper in Paderborn, Germany fed his constipated
elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of
berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let it
fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop! Investigators
say the ill-fated 46-year-old was attempting to give the ailing elephant
an olive oil enema when the relieved beast finally unloaded on him.
"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked
(him) to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
him" said a flabbergasted Paderborn police detective. With no one there
to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be
just one of those freak accidents that proves...

..."Shit happens."