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Find Love- Keep Love : Romance News : Love Advice : Dear John: Take the trip!

Dear John: Take the trip!

Hi Stella. I have been with my girlfriend for just
over 2 and a half years, I am her first person to ever sleep with her and there's a six year age gap between us, which has never been a problem. Right up until we broke up she was always telling me how much she loved me and even hinted that I was the only guy she ever wanted to be with.

As soon as she started college she said she needed time alone; she said it's got
nothing to do with meeting other people she just doesn't want to have to worry
about having to ring somebody. Naturally I was completely heartbroken as this
came out of nothing and I can't believe she's based what she's felt for two
weeks overrule what she's felt for 2 and a half years!

I feel so angry and cheated at the amount of sacrifices I made while she was
trying to get into college and as soon as she gets in I get dumped. Though she
says it's not like that, and she's probably making the biggest mistake of her
life.

That was a month ago and since then we have met up twice. Both times she
suggested and both times it was like nothing ever happened! We were all over
each other and got on great without talking about getting back together; though
I did mention to her that I think we're perfect for each other and that she
will realize this when I go away.

I told her I was planning on going traveling for a year, but she obviously
didn't believe me as the other day after I txt her about something (hadn't had
any contact for 2 weeks but genuinely had to ask her something) she asked me
had I thought anymore about going away? I told her that I had already bought the
ticket and got the visa. She was shocked, she insisted that we meet up before I
go but I told her I don't think its a good idea, as every time I see her it makes
me miss her more and I'm back to square one. She was upset over this but says
if that's what I want.

Either way, it will have no bearing on me going away. I would hate to go away
regretting anything as it would burn away at me! She also wants to keep in
touch but I am sort of the opinion you have made your bed now you have to lie in
it!

Please help me make the right decision as I genuinely believe she's the one,
and our relationship was great; it's just something she said she had to do, and
if I'm honest I do understand and told her this, so do I do what she wants or
cut all contact and hope she realizes what we had?

Sorry for going on! Thanks
John

Dear John: Take the trip!

You know what? You sound like a pretty nice guy with a head on his shoulders. I hope your girl comes to realize this, and you realize a happy ending here. But I do believe that only time apart will give you the answers you need.

It's going to take time for things to develop, one way or the other. She has told you that she needs time alone. Starting off in college, she is probably actually being wise in deciding this. The college experience brings lots of change and growth. She needs to mature and find herself.

Give her the space that she has asked for, no matter how painful this may be for you. Do not see her again before you leave. And do NOT, under any circumstances, cancel your trip! Why? It would smack of needy desperation. And you would never find out what you are about to find out by leaving…. Whether this love will survive the test of time.

Go on your trip. Keep long distance contact through letters. Keep them light, breezy. Tell her about your adventures abroad. Do not write about your relationship. Pretend you are writing to your sister. Okay to sign them "love, John". You would to your sister.

When you return from your travels, the future of this relationship will be clear. Either love between you has endured; the spark will fan into flames, or it has ended, and the fire extinguished.

It seems to me that both of you have made some sensible, mature decisions here---- follow through with them. True love waits.

Good luck to you both!

For Stella's current love advice column, or to submit your own problem, visit Dear Stella free love advice.