Did Video Games Kill My Marriage?

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My wife of four years just told me she doesn't love me anymore. She says she still cares for me but doesn't feel the same as when we dated/got married.

We have 2 small children together and I neglected her and the kids for the last two years. I was addicted to a video game, and it consumed my life.

I only recently realized the effect this game had on me and I quit, but now she drops this on me. I realize what I have done but I still love her more than anything, and want to show her I can again be the guy she fell in love with. I don't think she really understands that what I had was an addiction, as it's just a video game. However, it was the only thing I wanted to do. I would pass up on any event or outing to stay home and play; I wouldn't want to go out with friends or even stop to have sex!

My wife says she tried to talk to me, but I would just snap at her. I don't remember having any serious discussions about problems, and was really blindsided by this. Now I don't know what to do. She says she doesn't love me anymore, and that she's not mad or sad. She feels nothing. She carries on like nothing is wrong. She said she already went through the sadness, then anger, and says when she decided "this was it", that she felt good.

I don't want my marriage to end. I have beat my addiction and now realize what's really important, my wife and my kids. But is it too late? Can I save my marriage? What is the best way to show her that I have changed, and remind her why we fell in love in the first place?

Anonymous
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FROM STELLA:

First of all, I am sorry to hear of your marital problems. You sound like a decent guy who had an addictive problem, and now has beat that addiction. But it might be too little, too late.

I don't want to make this situation sound simple, as it is not. It's complicated. You have a marriage and two small children to consider here, and I suspect there were more problems going on in your relationship than just the video game addiction.

Honestly, it doesn't sound promising for you. She has said that she has already gone through the anger and sadness, and now actually feels good that she has decided to leave. This does not sound like a strong basis for reconciling your marriage. I think you should ask for marriage counseling. If she agrees, then maybe there is a chance to salvage this. You ask what is the best thing you can do now?

1. Let her know you love her and the kids and want to work hard to save the marriage.
2. Ask her to give marriage counseling a try, then do it.
3. Never, ever pick up the video controller again, not even for an instant. Get rid of ALL the equipment and ALL the games, and limit your computer time to a minimum, for business, emails or brief information searches. NO GAMES. (Life is short).

Good luck, I hope things work out for you.
Stella