Do I love him?

by Katie
(Hong Kong)

I have been with my boyfriend, Mike. for 2 and a half years. But I have a huge problem. I can't stop cheating on him, not as in sex, but I am always going out with other guys while I'm with Mike. But I always end it with a guy shortly and remain to be with Mike. Do I love Mike? People ask me this question.. I say yes.. but I actually am not sure myself if I do. And I can't seem to be able to leave him..

There's this guy I really REALLY like called Connor. Connor and I have been going on with this secret relationship for a few months now. He asked me if I could ever leave Mike for him.. I told him the truth.. I said I can't leave Mike. I feel safe when I'm with Mike, because he really loves me and wants to marry me, but I honestly don't like his family, and most of the times Mike just likes being a big baby and he likes to control my life and is too sensitive. It annoys me a lot that he does all these things.

I'm just 20, I think I should be able to control my own life. But no matter how much I don't like about him, I still stay with him, but I know I don't love him as much as he loves me. I always ask myself why I cheat on him that much, but I can't stop it. I have been with Mike for quite a long time that he is already a part of my life and I think that I'm scared of leaving him because I won't feel secure anymore and something will be missing. Like a toy that has been with you for many years, and suddenly gone.

I'm really confused.. I don't know what I want, who I want.. if he's the one or not, do I love him or not.. or I just need someone to protect me.. I think about leaving Mike.. but when I've left him, I go back to him.. and think about leaving again.. what is wrong with me.


Answer from Stella:

Hi Katie,
I know you will not like my answer, but I have to tell it as I see it.

Why not just date a bunch of different guys, OPENLY, no secrets or cheating? Do NOT get serious with any of them, or make plans for marriage. If Mike can't deal with this, he needs to be let go.(And that would be the kindest thing you could do for him. Don't keep him dangling while you go on your secret liasons just because he is a safe haven for you to return to. This is dishonest, unfair and mean to Mike).

You are very very young, and definitely not mature enough to commit to one man yet. So why not just openly be free and unattached, and "play the field"? Later, when you are more experienced and ready to settle down, the right man will come along, one you won't want to cheat on!

Hope this helps!

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