Elderly father moving in

I currently live with my girlfriend in her house. (not my idea) but putting that aside, her elderly father is now suffering from some health problems and needs to move with us to be taken care of.


I am very happy that she is doing that rather than the easy way out of a home of some kind, but the house is small and there is no room for my things and his. I told her I would gladly get another apartment just to move my things to so he could be surrounded by his things and not be uncomfortable with me being around all the time (I do work 10 hours aday so I really am not home much).

I planned on still sleeping there and seeing her just as much, but most of my things will be in a separate apartment... but she took it as I don't love her enough to want to live with her and her father...

The truth is I like my privacy also and I don't want any uncomfortable moments between he and I. We just met recently and I really like him...but am I being selfish or am I doing the right thing?

Please advise asap...
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Hi Guy,

This is not a simple problem. I personally think you are proposing a reasonable solution, and your girlfriend is taking it personally and reading more motive into it than is probably there. I think you getting more living space would help prevent resentment and getting on each other's nerves. I think it would be healthier for your relationship.

I think she is asking a lot of you, to live in close quarters with her elderly father in a small house. I couldn't do it! But, the fact is you are seeking the advice, not her.

There are a few other solutions, don't know how practical, but maybe all three of you move to a larger house? Or even find 2 small apartments side by side and move Dad into one of them so you could keep an eye on him, and still have your privacy in the other one.

Failing those solutions, I do think getting a second apartment is a wise thing to do all around. You as a growing couple need some privacy and that would provide a private getaway for your two, and a break from the caregiving.

As I said, no easy answer for this one. She'll resent it if you do, you'll resent it if you don't. Maybe a heart-to-heart? Print this out and show it to her, maybe she will see reason a little better.

Good luck!
Stella

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