Getting my girl back
by Joe
I had a girlfriend for two years, after which we took a break. The break was supposed to help us realize how much we wanted each other back, but things continued to go bad, and we ended up completely breaking up.
After we broke up I knew she was hanging out with a guy she sort of liked, but I had a hard time letting go and we continued to hang out, maintaining a friendship. While broken up I had met a girl one night and we ended up kissing and doing a little more but I thought it felt wrong and ended up walking away.
Shortly after that my ex started to express an interest in getting back together with me. I want my ex back more than anything so this was great news, but I felt guilty about what I had done with this other girl.
So after about a month of talking about getting back together I realized for me to ever be happy with myself and for the relationship with me and my ex to work, she needed to hear this news. I finally told her about what had happened and it seemed like every forward step that we had taken was gone. She wanted nothing to do with me.
I had told myself that if I truly loved her, I had to tell her about this and if she truly loved me, we could get past it (especially since we were not together when it happened). I am not a liar but based on her reaction I feel like I messed up by telling her. If I had kept it quiet our relationship would be great but I would be hurting keeping it in.
So I guess I was just wondering if I did the right thing by telling the truth? I am still trying to get her back but do you think that I'm just annoying her? I don't want to make my situation worse and right now winning her back feels like the only thing that will help. Just looking for another female's perspective. Please help!
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FROM STELLA:
Hi Joe,
No, I don't think you did wrong to tell her about the other girl. If you two were really officially "broken up" at that time, then I don't feel you really did anything wrong. Sometimes it is better to keep an indiscretion to yourself and suffer in silence for your sins. But this was a little different, as you didn't really cheat on her.
I think in time she may "forgive you" and get past it. But the worst thing you can do right now is try too hard to "win her back". That WILL annoy her, and she will push you away. Just lie low for a while.
You sound like a decent sort of guy, just stay faithful from now on, don't give her any reason to distrust you at this point. But don't press her to forgive you and get back with you. She needs some time and space to sort things out. Stay near, stay faithful, be decent to her and be her best friend. If you two are meant to be together, she will eventually forgive and take you back.
If she can't get past it, you don't want to be trapped in a relationship like that anyway. You would never be forgiven.
That's my best advice to you. Time is on your side.
Good luck,
Stella
