Going from living together to Friends?

by Confused
(NY, NY USA)

I met this man at work and knew he was an AWESOME man. He was not on my radar, as I was married. However, we ate lunch together often and hung out together during our break time. At the end of my marriage, I moved and he was there to help me. I then began to date someone else and he and I just continued a very close friendship. He then asked me to date him, I said yes and we fell in love and he moved in.

After a few months, he moved out and said he just wanted to be my friend. We have started a business together and see each other every day. Whenever I need him, he is there. We make love and he mostly sleeps on the couch when he stays over now. He says he loves me, is attracted to me & considers me his very close friend and his family. He says that he prefers to be my friend at this time because every time he gets close to someone they leave or it ends.

This confuses me because he considers me his close friend & family, yet he says he doesn't want to consider ourselves in a relationship. But we are committed to not dating other people and having a monogamous relationship. We have been together 6 months; he is 34 and I am 49 with a 6 year old son that adores him.

Does he really want to be in a relationship with me, or is he not buying the cow cause he can get the milk for free? I know we haven't been dating very long but I have known him for 5 years.

Confused

___________________________________

Answer from Stella:

Dear confused,

Sounds like you have gotten yourself in a fix there! The fact that you went into business with him certainly makes things more complicated.

But why are you letting him have his cake and eat it too? (He IS getting the milk for free). He doesn't want a relationship, yet he sleeps with you and this is monogamous relationship? Please! And his "I just don't want to get hurt again..." That is just a lame excuse for not committing to you. It wasn't an issue when he first moved in, was it?

My advice is this... if he says he just wants to be friends, then tell him that's all you really want right now, too. And that means, no sleeping together, or sleeping over. Give him what he wants, and stick to it! Be strong!

Time will then tell you if this relationship is truly serious or not. And I would also look around for a job that is not tied to him, because it doesn't look real optimistic from this view.

P.S. The fact that your child "adores him" should have nothing to do with it. That is not a strong foundation for a good relationship.

Hope this helps!

***Do you agree with Stella's advice? Why or why not? Leave your thoughts below!

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Dear Stella.