Help! I'm a terrible wife

I am married to an amazing man that loves me, is my best friend, supports me whatever I do, and would die for me. I feel very lucky to have such an amazing influence in my life and know that he is absolutely irreplaceable.

However, four years ago, I was walking to work and became aware of a man staring at me. I looked over and it instantly felt like I have been hit with a tonne weight. I felt immense passion and attraction that I had never felt before in my life and I could see that he felt the same. I walked by thinking that I probably wouldn’t see him again which was probably a good thing, but about a month later, I came home from work and he was sat on my couch. He was my housemate’s best friend. A rush came over me and again I felt immense attraction to this man. He also made it obvious that he was attracted to me. My partner came home and the guy just stood up and left. I saw him a couple of times after that in social gatherings but I made it clear to him that I was in a relationship and was not going to leave my partner. I even went as far as to make myself look really bad in front of him so he would not be attracted to me anymore. I was honest with my partner at the time and told him that I had feelings for someone else. This destroyed him and I vowed never to make him feel like that again. I left the country for a year and travelled! On my return, I married my partner.

My husband let it slip in conversation the other day that the guy often comes into his shop and asks about me. He has never told me and I have a horrible feeling that it is because he knows that I still have feelings for this man.

Since the first time I saw him, I can’t get him out of my head, I think about him every day. Even four years on. I sound like a really bad person I know. I really want to not feel like this!
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Help!!! What advice would you give to "terrible wife"?

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