Hubby Wants to Meet Evil Mom

by Kristin
(Texas)

I am a 23 year old new mom. My husband wants to meet my mom and have her as a part of our lives. We are in Texas. She is in Florida. She made a plea of my husband to meet with her.

At one time, I thought I had the coolest mom a girl could have. Then, some kids at school framed me for something. My mom would not believe me and paddled my ass for it (at age 12!). A few days later, I conclusively proved my innocence and cleared my name. My mom was like sorry about that... as if that was supposed to be the end of it.

I hated her totally from that point on. I moved in with my dad out of state and cut my mom out of life as much as possible until age 18, when at my high school graduation, which she came to uninvited, I told her we were done.

The last time we talked was 3 years ago, when she "tried again". I feel like she failed me as a parent and have had no interest in reconciling; however, my husband wants me to rehire her as my mom and let her into our lives. I have thought of my mother as evil incarnate since I was 12. What should I do?




From Stella:

I gar-on-tee you are not going to like my answer!

Your husband sounds like a peach, wanting to open his heart to accept your Mom. But you are still a hurt little 12 year old, unwilling to forgive and forget. If what you relate is all she did to you, and you ended up hating her for that mistake, then you truly are a mean-spirited and immature girl.

Sounds like your Mom really wants to reconcile. Do you really want to deprive your children of their grandmother? Do you want your husband to think you are selfish and unforgiving? Why not meet your Mom half-way? Call her today. Tell her you are sorry for so many wasted years, and that you want to see her. You would make her so happy.

Bury the hatchet, Kristin. Forgiveness is liberating, while hate consumes you. And life is oh so short.

Stella

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Evil Mom, Part II
by: Kristen

This is Kristin, who wrote the "evil mom" letter a few days ago. My husband has strongly urged me to at least meet with my mom. You could say he's sort of brokered a peace conference. My mom is flying in on Friday.

I knew when I wrote to you that it was the right thing to do. It's just hard. I am nervous about it. The story I told you was the whole story except that my parents had just divorced at the time. But should that have made any difference?

The hard part for me was that I had no history of being a problem, yet my mom would not take my word. Her shoot first and ask questions later method pissed me off. It had never been that way before. Also, it was so important to me to clear my name of any wrong doing.

I worked for someone once who told me he would not care if I only typed 30 words a minute, but make sure those 30 words are right. That's how I approach life. It's better to measure once, twice, or even three times and cut once. Get it right! It hurt me to be lumped in with juvenile delinquent scumbags.

Hell, I had not been spanked in years! Can you see how humiliating it was to have to drop my pants and my underwear-that's right-bare assed, lay across my mom's lap, and be spanked for something I did not do, something I was able to prove I did not do within 48 hours? Would it have killed her to wait?

Anyway, I am going to try this. It's partly for my husband and child, and not me. If it was just me, I could never see her again and be fine. I hope this does not explode in my face.

Thanks,
Kristin




From Stella:

Kristen,
You really sound like a bright and conscientious soul. After hearing all the morbid details, I can understand why you were so hurt and bitter for so long.

Your Mom was wrong. She made a horrible mistake. And divorce can cause much hurt and confusion for the kids. So yes, you were justified in how you felt. And you obviously still carry a huge load of anger over this.

But the question is, where do you go from here? I really do feel that it would help you for the rest of your life if you sincerely met your Mom half way. Swallow your pride, and when you meet, YOU go first, and tell her you are sorry for shutting her out for so long. YES, YOU GO FIRST.

If you go into the meeting with a huge chip still on your shoulder, it will not work. Don't sabotage this meeting.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with your Mom, and everything to do with you. When you forgive, you do not condone or excuse the behavior of others. You have simply decided to not let it control your emotions or rule your life anymore.

I stand by what I said... forgiveness will set you free, while hate will consume you.

Best of luck to you with your reunion!

Stella

Comment from someone who thinks the same of his mother
by: Vince

Hi,

I just read your letter and I want to give you my opinion on this.

First, you should know that I am right now planning to cut my relations with my mother as soon as I move out (and that's as soon as possible) The reason: she doesn't respect me. That's why your letter touched me. You too seem to feel like your mom lacks respect for you. Your husband doesn't seem to get that. Very few people around me understand what I think of my mom. I think you are in the same kind of situation.

Now, for your question. I think that there are two possibilities.

1.Your husband thinks it'll make you happier. Think about it and if he's right than meet her.

2.Your husband is doing this for himself. This is what HE wants.

In both cases, I suggest you do what YOU want.

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