Hurt, regret, guilt

Hey not sure how this works. I've been feeling very depressed lately and wanted some advice. This is kind of long but here it goes. I've been going out with my boyfriend for about 1 and a half years. I'm 18 he's 21. In this time I kept breaking up because our family wouldn't have been happy due to cultural/religious differences. He'd always beg me back. And I'd always still feel uncomfortable cos the family issue would always be on my mind. He was my first for everything (hug/kiss etc). We'd never argue. Basically we were each others soul mates. When I finally convinced myself to forget family and be with him cos he makes me happy, he told me that I was right  that we should break up. So after that we've been single for about 5 months. However we'd act like a couple. Say I love you everyday. One day he begged me back I said I'd think about it, he got happy but when we got home I texted him saying I don't think it's a good idea anymore cos I can't leave my family cos of my sisters (my mum abuses them so I wanna stay back for them). He was heartbroken but understood. We still acted like a couple and I encouraged him to move on cos I wanted him to be happy even if it made me miserable. So a month after kissing me etc he slept with another girl. Even before he left for the "date" he told me he loves me. Even though we weren't together i felt so heartbroken. I begged him back. He was different though, he barely showed he cared. We went back to breaking and making up. I was going through depression and so we both decided lets be friends again. In this time I had a a major operation and was in hospital. He knew but he wasn't there for me when I needed him the most. i was hurt even more (because he is literally the only friend i have) and when I confronted him he made excuses and tried to turn it around on me. After that I stopped talking to him, few weeks later I found that he's been chatting up his ex and meeting up with her while I was sick. I think he's happy without me. Even though I don't talk to him anymore I feel hurt everyday knowing he's with his ex again because I still love him. Everyday I feel guilt and upset because I feel as though everything's my fault cos I kept breaking up. Do you think i did the right think by stop talking to him? Do you guys think it's my fault?? Should I let go of this guilt? He clearly doesn't care about me anymore. Should I stop caring too? Sorry for the long and confusing post. I'm finding it very hard to let go of the past.. Thank you. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Hurt, It is time for you to move on and find someone new in your life and be happy again he will just bring you down. Stella

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