I got cheated on, and she left me.

by Chris
(Beaumont, CA, USA)

My wife and I were got married on September 19, 2008, though in total we've been together for 6 years. My wife left me for another man, kicked me out of the house we were renting, and moved him in not a week later.

When I asked her what went wrong, what did I do? She said it was all her, and that I didn't do anything, this is just her.

My heart has never been so broken, despite the fact she's cheated on me twice before. I want our marriage to work, I want to reconnect with her and work through this. I know I am trying to find out what I really did, and I'm having problems. Is it that I was too nice or too forgiving in the past? That boundaries were never set?

How do I get my wife back, while she's living with the other man she had the affair with? I miss her terribly, and the loneliness is unbearable.

It is not like this man is any better of a catch. He is married, with 2 kids, just got out of jail for armed robbery, and I think he may have just been using her to get out of his halfway home. He doesn't have a job, or a car, or any source of income.

I worry about her constantly being with him, I just want her back. What do I do????

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Answer from Stella:

Chris, my heart goes out to you. I know you are in a world of hurt right now, and just want your wife back.

However, honestly, the chances of that happening do not appear good. It just sounds like she has not only shut the door on you, she has slammed it shut!

And really, if she has the poor judgement to shack up with a married ex-con, maybe you are better off without her.

The pain of rejection and breakup surely clouds your judgement, Chris. Give this a lot of time, and do not press her for reconciliation. Perhaps later on you will be better able to step back and look at the whole situation with a clearer mind. Would you ever trust this woman again? Might you be in for a life of misery if you do get back together with her?

Get past the new pain, put your emotions aside, then ask yourself Ann Landers' old tried-and-true question:

"Am I better off with her or without her?"

Good luck to you, Chris, I wish you brighter days and happiness in the future.

Stella