I really don't know what to do anymore!

by Confused and Broken

I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 3 years older than me. We both are in a long distance relationship and have known each other since last three years. He lives in my neighboring country, I met him online and have never seen him. Our personalities are very much like and we get along like two peas in a pod, both a perfect copy of the other. Things went pretty awesome the first year. I was a conservative person, yet he became my best friend and made me open up to him and change for the good, and even though I have no friend here, I confided in everything with him and found myself at peace with him around. During the second year, he entered his senior year, and times became tough, with his busy schedule, final assignments, his college internet not working, job applications etc. He then started drifting away and stopped putting in efforts to either email me, or call me, or text me just to let me know if he's ok, and even if I mailed him or called him, I never got back any reply, but whenever he used to meet me, he used to ask me to trust in him, and stop taking our relation as some affair, and learn to act like a married couple instead who knows that at the end of the day, they both belong to each other alone, and bear with patience, the bad times with him.

Third year, which counts as currently, he took up a 9am to 6pm job of assistant manager in an automobile company, and moved away to another city to live on his own. His company being one and a half hour drive away from his home, compels him to wake up at 6 in the morning, go to work, come back by 8, and be completely exhausted. I know I am supposed to still bear with him, but somehow he's stopped putting in the efforts altogether. Even if he has internet access at home, he would rather watch tv in whatever free time he gets than contact me. And even if he doesn't have internet, he would still use his mobile net to update his facebook than use his mobile messenger just to say hi. Things are being tough on me, with peer pressure and other problems and stuff, and now when I look around to his support, he's not there, and it hurts me.

I know he's not cheating on me, I trust him that much, and he asks me to wait two more years until he can fully establish himself and I can finish my college, but I really don't know if two years alone in this condition are worth it, or I really need to try another option. Because, I know he suffers from job blues, and I do everything possible to cheer him up, not expecting anything but just a little care, but somehow, its not working I guess. On our anniversaries or birthdays, I start planning a month ahead on his presents, what to do for him online, but when it comes to him, he doesn't pull in any effort, and in the end it's always "I love you from the deepest core of my heart, and all I ask for is patience, I know I'm a bad person, and I really hurt you, and don't deserve you, and its fine with me if you hate me and want to leave me, but please trust in me." and I start feeling bad for thinking that way in the first place, but then when I feel alone and him not there, confusions and doubts fill my head again!

What should I do? :(


Answer from Stella:

Dear C&B,
I don't mean to hurt you, or make light of your situation. But why would you spend five years of your life waiting for someone you have never met? When you finally meet face-to-face, you might not even like him!

To understand my viewpoint on long-distance dating, please visit this page: Online Dating

Sorry to be blunt, but I think you should cut him loose and find a real, flesh-and-blood man.

***Do you agree with Stella's advice? Why or why not? Leave your thoughts below!

Comments for I really don't know what to do anymore!

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Hope this helps..
by: Anonymous

You can't miss something you never really had..they say people come into your life for a "Season", "Reason" or a "Lifetime"...from what I have read..he was there for "Seasons"...its nice to have someone to chat with and establish a "feel true" friendship...but you are young and live in a great big world full of accessible men. Why would you cut yourself short with an internet relationship? Throw on your makeup and a cute pair of jeans and take charge of the life God gave you...Go Live it and enjoy...and remember..if this was meant to be...it will be..Good Luck !

by: Skye

You dont know how much of the things he have said and done are true. After all these years, you cant say that you really know him. You get to know a person if and only if you spend time with him/her..a quality time spend together personally. It's not about the physical appearance but the connection and attraction and personality you will handle and feel when you are together. There you can only say that the two of you do click. And if he's intentions are clean and sincere, he could have done something to approach and see you even if 24hours isnt enough for him to fit his commitments and responsibilities. He could have set aside something. If it is love he could have sacrificed even a day for you to be with each other.

You'll find someone who is worth your everything and will treasure and respect you like a precious stone :)

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