I want my ex to want me again.

by MsShell
(Manila, Philippines)

my ex boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years. it was an on and off relationship. yet with all the issues we had, we always chose to stay together. until last december 2013, he broke up with me again because he said he's not sure if he still loves me. so, with a broken heart, i accepted it. after a week, i saw pictures of him and a girl we fought about when we were still together. i was devastated. i accepted the break up but i wasn't expecting that he will court another girl very soon after we ended things up. when we were still together, he told me he likes this girl. that's when i started getting jealous. so when i found out he is courting her a week after our break up, i felt cheated. i started to think that he broke up with me because of that girl. i admit that i was still hoping that we will get back together so i was really shocked. my heart was really shattered. i was determined to move on since then.


at the last week of december, he went to my house and asked if we could talk. i was hesitant at first, i tried to stop myself, but i eventually gave in. so we talked. he told me he wanted to clear his mind that's why he wants to talk to me. he apologized for hurting me. he said he didn't cheat on me, that he courted the girl after we broke up. but he doesn't love the girl. he thinks i'm still better. he said that all the while i was the one who's in his mind. he thinks that the girl was only a rebound. it bothered him and distracted him from many things. he said he might still have feelings for me.

stupid as it sounds, we started being friends. i forgave him. i again started to think that there is still hope for us. i really love his company and we get along very well. but then, he didn't stop courting the girl. he was hesitant about us getting back together because we both know that it might happen again, he has a trust issue on me, and it will hurt us again, he's also hesitant to stop courting the girl because they are classmates and they have common friends that might get mad at him. we remained as friends.

after a week of being friends, he decided to stop courting the girl. he said he wants to focus on his studies and he doesn't want any distraction. hence, he's not courting anybody but we remained as friends. we became really close friends and eventually started acting like a couple but we're not. so i can say that now we are "friends with benefits". he said he still likes me and at some point he still loves me. but he doesn't want commitment because his only priorities are school,skateboard and frat. he doesn't want any distractions.

i agreed with our set up. it wasn't what i want but its much better than losing him. for a month now, we're like a couple but just friends. we live together. he's very sweet,caring and it's exhilarating. we are very happy.

the problem is i am not completely happy. i am not secured. i have forgiven him but i can not forget what he did. but i am willing to start all over again. i want him to be my boyfriend but he doesn't want to. he said he doesn't trust me enough. i get so lonely when i am alone. what should i do? should i continue being his friend or should i stop? i want him to realize my worth but i guess he's not seeing it when i am around. i want him to want me again as his girlfriend. i am not contented with this set up. i want to be included in his priorities. we are really happy together, and i don't want to waste that. but i'm getting sick of my insecurity!------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MS Shell, It sounds to me like this guy is using you and he is not trust worthy and without trust you do NOT have anything. You need a man who you can love and trust to be happy. Stella

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