I want to get out of an abusive 5yr live in relationship but i love him

by ria
(brooklyn)

We have been together for 5yrs,I am 34 and he is 28 he screams and shouts Calls me bad names.I have a 10 year old son and we Often argue in front of him. I pay rent clean cook and do the laundry, he is in charge of groceries. He leaves me and goes out to drink almost every night I try to talk to him about it but he doesn't listen. He will just get angry and brush me off in the most harsh way. I don't know why I am afraid to leave,but I do want to leave,but we live in my apartment. Why should I have to leave?Sometimes we argue and it gets physical and he hits
Me like a man I am 120lbs and 5'7. I have a really low self esteem,I've lost 10 lbs since we got together,with all the stress, I hate myself.
I can't go anywhere with my friends he gets really mad,I'm always home. Please help me to help myself get out of this relationship.
____________________________________________

Answer from Stella:

Hi Ria,
You have made the right move towards ending this abusive relationship. Yes, your partner is guilty of physical and emotional abuse! And if leaving your own home helps you end this relationship, then it is worth it.

You will need help to pull this off. Either Google "womens shelters domestic violence Brooklyn" or take a look at this site:

Central Brooklyn Domestic Violence Program

Hope this helps!

***Do you agree with Stella's advice? Why or why not? Leave your thoughts below!

Comments for
I want to get out of an abusive 5yr live in relationship but i love him

Click here to add your own comments

RE I want to get out of 5 year relationship
by: Anonymous

I went thru almost the same thing for almost 18 years I new I had to leave but a part of me was so scared I went into a major depression. I hoped he changed and we will live happily ever after but it had not he did stop hitting me but I still hated him its kind of hard to explain but if you are in a abusive relationship mental or physical i'm sure you would understand our children were affected by my everyday stress and depression You must leave some way some how or you will never be happy.I'm very close to 40 and now I'm the most happiest I have ever been including my children.Things will seem like its all falling apart but you will get thru it I know you can do it everyone can just try your best to stay strong your 10 year old needs you.
abusive relationship options
by: Julie

Dear Ria,
You mentioned that the apartment is "yours". My advice is once he leaves for work or wherever, immediately change the locks! Another solution is to go and get a "stay away" order. I know both of these methods seem harsh but unless you are strong enough emotionally to end this relationship then you have to seek an alternative way.
The most important reminder each and every day to you is the SON you have witnessing all of this. He will one day become an abuser if he continues to witness this and see you do nothing to stop it. You owe this to your son. He is just a little boy and is helpless. Even if he wanted to do something to stop this, he couldn't. Also keep in mind..we hear of this every day about domestic abuse. One day he might hit your son. You could lose him to foster care. Is this guy really worth it? I know in your heart you know what the right thing is to do..Now you must find the strength to do it...I think Stella gave you the best advice. Go seek a women's shelter. You are safe there and so is your son. Please don't hesitate on making this move. Your lives could depend on it. And, know you are not alone..
Good Luck Ria...Julie

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How?
Simply click here to return to Dear Stella