I was a Rebound to my wife of ten years, now she says she is not in love with me

by James78
(Austin, Tx)

I am 30 yrs and am in love and married to my wife of ten years. Before us she got out of a bad relationship; abusive, verbally and physically.

In her childhood she was molested by a priest, sexually assaulted by two brother-in-laws and was accused of lying about it. Then she was date raped at 17. It hurts me to hear about those things too, but I thought we put all that past us.

Now after a beautiful son together, everything resurfaced again and probably play a role in her not loving me. We went to counseling and found out that I was probably just a raft that saved her when her boat sank (her last relationship).

So we lived the ten years where she felt like she needed to make everyone in her life pleased. Now after our son, it made her really think that she never loved me for the right reasons. She said she tried to make it work, even where she thought having this baby would make things better.

So now I need help because I still love her dearly with all my heart. I want her to come back to me. We just separated a day ago, recommend by the counselor.

I don't know how to deal with this, I broke down a couple of times. I know that I have to let her go find out herself, and wait to see if she comes back. Please Help Me!!!


From Stella:

Dear James,

My heart goes out to you, I know you are hurting very much because of your wife's rejection and the new separation.

It sounds like your wife has a tremendous amount of emotional baggage from her traumatic childhood, and she really should get into some serious individual psychotherapy to help her sort things out.

Now, there are two sides to every story, and I am glad to hear you are in marriage counseling to try to save the marriage. But if you have told your story honestly, "the ball is in her court" now.

Sadly, you gave yourself the best advice I could have given, in the last paragraph of your letter.

Good luck to you, James, I hope your wife realizes what she stands to lose, and you two work things out.


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