I'm lost

by Tom
(Iowa)

She and I left for St. Louis last Thursday to see my grandparents for the weekend. We got back on Sunday and she wanted to end things Monday night, less than 24 hours later. As you know, there was a trust issue. About two years ago, a girl kissed me in China and I told her when I got back. She forgave me and we moved forward.

Since I’m on her family’s cell phone plan, she can check who I text or call. She saw how many texts I was sending and to numbers she didn’t recognize. Honestly, these individuals were only friends. My life revolves around my girlfriend, I moved to her hometown and took the job because of her. Anyway, she flipped out about the texts and wanted to break about a month ago. So we were apart for about 4 hours, and then she called and said she made a rash decision and we got back together the same day.

Also, at one point, she told me she wished she had someone to compare me to and that she didn’t want to feel like she was settling with me. So I said why don’t we take the summer and work on things? If by the end of August, things aren’t good, we can take a month off so you can find somebody to compare me to. At first, she liked the idea and agreed with it. Little did I know, this was a big issue. She thought I wanted the break to go mess around with people. Apparently, she was waiting for me to take the break back. I never did. I couldn’t get over the fact that she said she didn’t want to settle with me.

And as most couples do, we bickered and fought about little, stupid things from time to time. I learned after the first time not to screw around with anybody. I know I have a reputation here of leading people on and taking things too far, but I’ve never acted upon it. Trust seems to be the theme.

I had created a Facebook account about a month ago to test it out, start keeping in touch with my family and old friends. She didn’t like it, since Facebook has caused issues with us before. About a week ago, I decided I didn’t like it and got rid of it. Suddenly, she decided she wanted a Facebook to keep in touch with family and old friend. I gave her a hard time about it because I didn’t think it was a good idea. She got mad at me because I deactivated my account right before she got her account. She thought it was shady. She thought that since I wasn't texting girls, I was contacting them through Facebook, which wasn't the case.

Long story short, she is now posted SINGLE on her facebook. I am convinced after three years of dating with some bad memories, but a lot of good ones too, that she is over me. She hasn’t called/texted for 10 days. I haven’t called/texted her either. I don’t know what’s going on. I figure she would have called by now. Any words of wisdom you may have for me would be great.

____________________________________________

Answer from Stella:

Hi Tom,
I will give you my point of view, but I honestly don't think you are going to like it...

As a woman, I would have a problem with it if I found my guy texting all sorts of "friends" (and many are women unless I miss my guess). Facebook has been an "issue" in the past as well. I'm sorry, Tom, but although you claim there is no reason for her to distrust you, I can definitely see why she might. And once the trust is broken, it is impossible to get back 100%. This leaves a strike against the relationship right there.

As far as you, you have every right to be hurt and angry that she actually told you she was worried she might be "settling" for you.

This relationship just doesn't sound very promising, you know? Why not just let this one go, learn from the "trust" mistakes you made, and move on?

See, I told you you wouldn't like what I had to say. Give it some honest, unemotional thought, though, and you will understand where I am coming from.
Hope this helps!

***Do you agree with Stella's advice? Why or why not? Leave your thoughts below!

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Dear Stella.