In Love But Have Had Doubts

by Kris Bailey
(Austin, Tx. )

Dear Stella,

I have been in love with the coolest man that I have ever met for almost 3 years. Every other relationship I have been in with a man (except this one) has ended in disaster! When I have had problems, he has been very supportive--which is why I have stayed with him despite my doubts.

I think the conflict is that we are very serious with each other, we don't let go and just have fun in our relationship. "Jack" is the only man that I've ever really, deep down, wanted to have sex with. So even though we have been intimate, and have showered together, the sex has never been consummated.

I would like to be more carefree in our relationship, but clearly I am not sure how to go about it. I'm not even sure if he would reciprocate if I did make overtures toward him.

How do we make our relationship more "play" oriented"? And how do we allow sex to enter in?

I would deeply appreciate any advice you have for me on these subjects. Thanks.
Sincerely,
Kris.

____________________________________________

Answer from Stella:

Hi Kris,

What is it about us women that makes us want to push things? We have this need to know if he loves us, why are we not having sex, where is this relationship going, etc, etc, etc!

Not to criticize you, because I have been guilty of doing exactly what you are doing right now. The way to make this relationship more casual and "fun" is to just relax! Don't push for explanations, sex or answers. Just tell yourself you are going to enjoy this relationship and not worry about where it is going.

Let him make the first move, not you. Sometimes this is not good advice, but in your case I think it fits. If you press too hard or demand to know his intentions, you may well run him off.

So my advice to you is, let him make the moves. If you are meant to be together, let it happen in it's own due course.

Hope this helps!

***Do you agree with Stella's advice? Why or why not? Leave your thoughts below!