Is He an Abuser?
(Greensboro, NC, US)
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and 8 months. We live together and argue soooo much. He gets mad about me going on facebook and whenever I don't do what he wants, when he wants it. He blows up and turns into the total opposite person I fell in love with.
He says things to hurt me, and when we're on good terms, he says he didn't mean any of it. I don't know what to do. Every time we make up, we talk and tell each other what was the reason for the fight and how we feel about it and what kind of changes we want.
Everything we talk about goes right back out the window when he gets mad. He has all the characteristics of an abuser...he just don't put his hands on me. I try to make things work over and over, and I feel like giving up, despite how much I love him. What should I do???!!!!
Answer from Stella:
If everything is exactly as you describe, then things seem to be going pretty sour for you two. And yes, he may very well become a physical abuser. He already is an emotional abuser, if he tears you down for no reason. Abusers attack the self esteem of the abused to the point that they feel like it is all their fault. This is how they keep them down and subservient. Don't allow this to happen to you.
What to do? Ask yourself Ann Landers' old tried-and-true question: "Am I better off with him or without him?" Only you can answer that Kimberlee, just remember you have a long life ahead of you, and you only get one of those.
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