Is it a Deal Breaker or Not?

by Deb
(Minnesota)


While "snooping" around my boyfriend's apartment I came across his phone bill and discovered that he has been calling local "chat" lines when we are apart. I was devastated. I truly love this guy and thought he was the one...now I'm not so sure. What should I do?


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Dear Deb,

I'm so sorry for your troubles, I know you must be hurting.

I was once in your spot... I found out my boyfriend was chatting with a couple of his old girlfriends on the phone. I was really hurt and angry. He told me there was nothing going on, that he had remained friends with them and talked to them from time to time. I truly believed him, as we are almost always together, and I don't know when he would have the opportunity to "cheat". I did make it clear that I felt uncomfortable with him calling them and he promised not to do it anymore.

There is a big difference between "chatting" and "cheating", Deb. You say he is calling "Local chat lines", so you are not talking about 1-900 phone calls, which essentially are phone sex. So what are these phone services, phone sex or what?

If I was in your shoes, I would have to ask my guy what these calls were, what they led to, and why he felt the need to make them. In doing so, he will find out that you were snooping on him, which is sure to cause even more trouble for you guys.

But if you don't get to the bottom of it, you would always wonder... and never trust him.

Men are funny creatures, and they all have secret sexual fetishes or desires. Some like dirty magazines or movies, some make relatively harmless requests of their mates. Some get their jollies via phone sex. And then there are those who are obsessed with truly deviant sexual behavior.

Your task is to find out if his "chatting" is just harmless fantasy on his part, or whether he is a heavy-duty player and actually cheating on you. If you have some serious doubts about his fidelity, read this excellent article...
Signs Of A Cheating Mate

Sorry, but this really is a decision only you can make, once you get the facts. Then make an informed decision about your future.

Good luck to you either way,
Stella

P.S. It's not a good idea to "snoop" on your mate. It almost always leads to a crisis of trust, both ways.

NOTE TO OTHER VISITORS: Has something like this happened to you? What did you do? Any advice for Deb?

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