Is it worthwhile to pursue a relationship with my crush or should I forget about it?

by Natalie
(Utah)

Dear Stella
I'm 19 years old and I have had a crush on this guy (who is 20 years old) for about ten years.  He's cute, smart, funny and outgoing.  I met him at the park when I was 8 or 9 years old.  He came with his cousin and his aunt and uncle. I know this because I personally knew his aunt and she told me (she was my gym teacher).  Anyway he asked me to play tag with his cousin and I agreed.  After a while of playing tag he pulled me aside and very seriously told me he thought I was cute and that he liked me.  I being 8 couldn't believe him at first but by the time I went home I think that I liked him back subconsciously.  I found out later that this boy and his family were moving to washington.

So I forgot about him for a few years until he showed up at my Junior High school in my band class. (I don't think he remembers that we met when we were little) Even though I didn't remember him I still felt drawn toward him and I wanted to be his friend but because I was and still am shy and self-conscious I didn't talk to him. (although now  I wish I had been brave enough to be his friend)   So later I started liking him and later than that I remembered who he was.  Lots of times during my jr high career I would stare at him and such.  At one point I even put a introductory note in his locker. Now I wish that the content of the note had been better but it did get his attention because I sometimes caught him looking at me and there was a couple of times that i think he tried to talk to me but it never happened.  This trading of glances went through all of junior high and into high school.

Then during my senior year I heard from a friend that he was going to try out for color guard team, which I was a member of. But that didn't happen either because the try outs were the same day as a football game.   Also during the senior ball dance (one of the few dances that I went to) he was there and he asked me to dance.  I am happy that he asked me to dance except near the end of the song I started acting stupid and when the song ended he walked away without saying anything like goodbye or thanks.  Anyway time went by and we had a couple more instances like that. Then after our graduation, knowing that I might not ever see him again I managed to say hi to him and he said hi back but that's all.  Since then I've only seen him once and that was at the college that I'm going to, so I assume he is also going there.  

So at this point I'm afraid of rejection and wondering if it would be better to just give up and move on.  I think the main reason that I'm afraid to talk to him myself is because he has lots of friends who are girls. Like I said before he is quite the outgoing kind of guy, so I guess it feels daunting.  But even if I do muster the courage to talk to him, I wouldn't  know what to talk about, that part is also a little scary for me. So what should I do?
Thanks for your help.

____________________________________________

Answer from Stella:

Well, Natalie, one would think that after 10 years, he would have made a move by now if he was interested. My advice to you is to enter the college arena with the aim of concentrating on your studies. So many kids get there and waste the wonderful chance they have been given to prepare for a bright future.

So go to class, study hard and take advantage of being there. Social opportunities and lots of people will naturally enter your life at college. Date whoever appeals to you and stay casual about the whole thing. If you were meant to be with your "crush", it will unfold in time.

Do NOT pursue him or avoid dating others because of him!

Hope this helps!

***Do you agree with Stella's advice? Why or why not? Leave your thoughts below!

Comments for Is it worthwhile to pursue a relationship with my crush or should I forget about it?

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Is it worthwhile to pursue....
by: Anonymous

Natalie,
Wow...all these years and you still have that crush..and so many chances have come and gone. I go back to the dance. You did say you acted stupid and I'm sure it was all nerves..it happens to the best of us..but now you are older and I would presume wiser. Just go up to him and ask him to go to a local coffee shop and see what happens. Put yourself at ease so you can either move on or wind up with your crush. It's obvious that you are needing closure to this within yourself. If he is in any of your classes you could always ask him to study with you. In either case I agree in a sense with Stella...you need to move on...OR confront this situation head on and then one way or another you will find peace and YES ....get your head in the books ! Good Luck Natalie...

Julie

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