Is this a phase or am I really not in love?

by Victoria

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years - high school sweethearts, currently in college and we're each other's first loves! I know for sure he loves me, and there was a time when I didn't have a doubt in the world that I was totally in love with him.

But I've definitely hurt him in the past. I've kissed another guy and had crushes (yes, plural - although there was only one major crush...the rest were...well they were crushes, so that's bad regardless, and I've been honest and told him the truth). I feel like the crappiest person in the universe since I'm obviously not as devoted to him as he is to me. He tells me he never checks out other girls, and here I am in college, checking out other guys and flirting and developing another crush!

What is wrong with me? I do believe I love him, but I'm questioning that since I'm having all these other emotions about other guys!

I can honestly see myself having a future with my boyfriend (like getting married and having kids - really!) and can't really imagine a life without him, but is it just because I've grown too comfortable with our relationship?

If he really is my true love, why would I be having crushes and thoughts about other guys? It's not like I'm unsatisfied (from what I'm aware of) in my relationship. I would just like to know if my thoughts are normal and if they are, then I just drastically need to get some self-control lessons ((OR)) am I just fooling myself about my true feelings for him? Are my thoughts and actions speaking for themselves and I'm just choosing not to listen?

*Note: I've already told my boyfriend I would like to take a break for myself to sort out my emotions, and he said he was willing to wait for me, bcuz he'll always love me.

Since we already bought tickets to a concert months ago in advance, we're still planning on going together but planning on not speaking the couple weeks until then. Which hasn't been working at all. It's hard for me not to hear his voice all the time, and he calls me on impulse just to talk also, so we've talked everyday, (but no I love you's).

And the fact that after our talk about the break, we kissed a lot of times before finally parting ways.

Goodness gracious! I apologize for typing so much! I just wanted to give you as much detail as possible, and this is just the jist of it! (heavy typer here) Thanks a million for reading.


Answer from Stella:

Hi Victoria,
You are both so very young, and have parted ways to attend college. College is a time of growth and discovery, and I think you should enjoy it and explore all your options in life. Since you already admit you have doubts about your love for him, and you keep getting crushes on other guys... I think you should put your relationship with the boy back home on ice for now.

Tell him you think you should both date others for now, and what will happen will happen. If you are truly meant for each other, you will come back together in the end.

You are not doing him any favors by keeping him dangling on a string back home while you party at college (either in your heart or in reality). It is selfish and unfair to keep him in a long-distance relationship just because you like to hear a friends voice when you are lonely.

So my best advice to you is found in the second paragraph of my reply.

Good luck to you both,

Hope this helps!

***Do you agree with Stella's advice? Why or why not? Leave your thoughts below!

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My opinion :-)
by: Indy

I agree with Stella's advice because if you are second guessing your relationship, and if you are having crushes on other men, then you do not need to be in that relationship. In a relationship, you need to be fair, and if you are not on the same level as him, that does not make it a bad thing, but make sure you give him the opportunity to have a choice as well to either accept the fact that you want to talk to other men, or let things go for his own good! :-) hope this worked for you.


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