Lack of Trust

by Bruce

Hello, my girlfriend of nearly four years has been breaking up with me, four times in the last month, then getting back together. The core of this issue is that she doesn't trust me completely. About 2 years ago, I had two ex girlfriends claim that I was cheating on her with them, which was false.

From that point on, my girlfriend has not trusted me, no matter what I did or said. We initially worked things out until recently. It seemed like she exploded with emotions and said she could not go on anymore with fully trusting me. She also divulged that she witnessed her father being unfaithful to her mother at a young age, which she thinks affected her ability to truly trust me.

Our longest separation lasted about three weeks. She contacted me and said she was miserable without me, depressed and wanted me to be in her life. We got back together for about a week. She then broke it off claiming she still had trust issues, but still loved me very much and really didn't know what to do. What do I do?


Answer from Stella:

Bruce, you have gotten yourself in a fix with no easy way out. For now, just stay the course. Be careful not to do anything that might raise suspicion, such as an innocent lunch with a female co-worker, etc.

In time, perhaps her love for you will overcome her distrust, I hope so for your sake.

Otherwise, if she keeps doing this to you, you will finally reach a point where continuing on with her emotional outburst and distrust get to be more trouble than it is worth. Then you will ask yourself that age-old Ann Landers question: "Am I better off with her or without her?" And you will have your answer.

Good luck, Bruce, I hope you get a happy ending.
Hope this helps!

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Comments for Lack of Trust

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What a pickle!
by: Dianna

Hi Bruce,

Sorry that you are going through this - its sad. Have you two considered counseling?

When you tap into a deep seated issue like - betrayal and adultery - you two will have a hard time recovering. Its really a choice; she has to choose to believe in you and stick to it. However, it sounds like she simply can't for longer than a week, because her wound is not open.

I wish you both luck, but regardless of the outcome this is challenging. If you choose to stay together it will require work on both your parts - if it's worth it - go after her and offer some suggestions.

Be well,

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