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The Love Blog
Dear Stella, I Want My Family Back
Now, we still spend lots of time together, and she even spent the whole last week here at home with me. I really love her and she says she really loves me. What can I do to get my family back? We have had our ups and downs, but I think we've had many more ups than downs. But our downs have been really really bad, as we both went outside our relationship with other people. We have forgiven each other for that and moved on.
I just don't understand why she had to move out to figure things out. And why if she wants her time and space does she spend so much time at home with me? She spends maybe 3 days a week at her apartment and the other 4 at home with me. Is there any way I can get her to come back home for good? Is there any way to get our relationship back on track and moving forward instead of reverse? Please give me some good advice here; I'm dying and want my family back!
It sounds like your relationship is going through some growing pains. Try not to look at the separation as going "in reverse". For whatever reason, your girl is having doubts about her future with you, and needed some space and time to figure things out. My best advice to you is to give it to her. She felt you were suffocating her, and if you don't back off, instead really press the issue with her, you may well force her to make a decision--- one you might not like. The fact that she spends so much time at home with you is a good sign; she really wants to be with you, after all.
My advice: I know it will be hard, because you are hurting so bad inside, and want things back the way they were. You need to lose the desperation. Try to act casual about the whole affair. Look up some of your old friends and go fishing or to a ball game with them. Occupy your time with an old neglected hobby or interest. Don't press for any heavy-duty talks with her right now. Let her "find herself". Let her decide on her own, without any coercion from you, what she wants to do with her life. Arguing, threats or begging will not help the love and respect between you two grow. Give it time. And if she decides to move back in with you, then, and only then: have you ever considered proposing marriage to the girl?
***Read more of Stella's excellent advice for the loverlorn here: Dear Stella