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The Love Blog
Dear Stella, I'm Pregnant and Alone
I am having a baby in 3 weeks time and the father left me. He says he does not love me anymore and he can not get over his ex wife. I love him but don't contact him anymore. It has been three weeks that we are not together.
I love him a lot and miss him. He has got 3 kids and this is his 4th one. Please tell me what I must do to get him back!
First let me say that I am so sorry you find yourself abandoned by this man at such a vulnerable and sensitive time of your life. Right now, you have so much hormone and emotion raging, that I am sure you're not thinking straight! So for now, let this relationship go and concentrate on childbirth and enjoying your new baby. That is most important. I think the baby will actually help you through this. (S)he needs you!
Now after a few months have passed, I hope you will come to a point where you can look back on this hopeless relationship with a little more common sense and wisdom. First of all, what kind of a man would abandon a woman who is going to have his baby within the month! Secondly, he says he doesn't love you and he still loves his ex wife. Then let him go! You may feel like you still want him right now, but you would be buying yourself a life of misery if you hooked up with a man who didn't love you. Your "love" would turn to resentment, then probably to hatred. It would take time, but that is probably how your relationship would end up. Save yourself the trouble.
You say he has 3 kids, this is his fourth. He may well have even more children, you know. There have probably been other women in his past. Be realistic. Is this the kind of man you really want to spend the rest of your life with? Forget it. Let him go, concentrate on making a good life for you and the baby. Accept yourself and learn to love yourself. You are special, and don't need to settle for a life of misery! Given time and self acceptance, you will find happiness again, Charlene.
Good luck to you and the baby!
*** Read more great advice for the lovelorn here: Dear Stella