Love isn't always the happy ending...

by Pamela
(California)

I was married twice, and after my divorce in 1995 I decided I would never marry again.

I had a great relationship with both my ex husbands and they remain good friends of mine today.

I decided I wanted a different life, and wanted to start a new career, so I quit my job after 20 years in corporate America and purchased a Bed and Breakfast in up state New York. I had a 12 yr old daughter and off we went, leaving our family and friends in California for the unknown of this tiny town in the Adirondacks.

We settled in nicely, my daughter thrived. She met great kids who remain friends today.

I was happily living life, running my inn, enjoying this new adventure when a friend of mine who lived in MA wanted to come up and stay with her family for a weeks vacation.
She included that she had met this great guy whom she wanted me to meet. He was a mortgage broker and lived in a tiny town of VA and was divorced raising two kids. His daughter was born with an affliction called microcephalitis (small brain), and had the mental capacities of a 3 year old. His son was his best friend, and they did everything together.

After we met, we spent the next year going back and forth from VA to NY and visa versa. The following summer I pulled the plug on my life in NY, and moved down to be with him....for the first time I knew what real love felt like.

I felt I had become the person I always wanted to be. He completed me, we had joy like I had never experienced...or so I thought...

What I came to discover was he never fully got over the girlfriend he had after his marriage. This girl was apparently the love of his life. While I thought I was the love of his life, and even hoped we'd marry and settle into our "Brady Bunch" life, I discovered many inconsistencies, and his manic hi and lows were imminently the demise of our relationship. He kept a journal, and one day when I had his car, I discovered his journal and read part of is.

His comparisons between she and I were so alarming, I felt I would be sick. He wished she'd have the heart I did, and the compassion, and he could never except her leaving him.
She was a lot younger than I was, and I could never compete with her age, and beauty. I knew then that I would never be able to make him completely happy, and he would never love me the way I loved him.

My joy and life there began to dwindle, and I knew the end was near. I was devastated, and came home to California on a vacation to try to figure out what I should do next.

When I arrived back to VA after my weeks vacation, I rapidly discovered he had gone to a bar when I was away, met a girl, brought her back to the house and had sex with her...when confronted, he just said, what did you expect?

Things went from bad to worst within a week and I was packing and heading back to California...

I went through the grieving process, as though he died, and tried for a long time to forget him. I know that I will never forget what we had, and I believe in my heart he was the love of my life. Unfortunately, I wasn't the love of his life and I doubt he even remembers the great times, the incredible conversations we shared. I fell in love with someone who I felt I could share anything with, and the comfort we felt was very real.

I still remember the beautiful poems he wrote and sent me, and I am grateful for having shared time and my heart with him.

But what is meant to be will be. We were not meant to be. Sadly, we both remain single, searching for that elusive love that may never find us again...

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