LOVE STEP 1- HONEST SELF APPRAISAL

  TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOURSELF
      (YES, IN THE MIRROR)

                        girl looking at herself in mirror and seeing a queen


        STELLA'S SELF APPRAISAL ADVICE  


Self appraisal...

So, tired of being alone, are ya? Been on the dating scene for a while, but haven't "hooked up" with that special someone? Relationship or marriage going stale?

Well, do something about it! You have the power to make good things happen! But, first you must realize... the problem is not with THEM......change must start with YOU. This is not to place all the work on the woman, we are simply saying that only YOU have the power to make changes in YOUR own life... be you man or woman.

So, the first step--to do an honest self appraisal on yourself. Let's take a look at your appearance first. Strip down NAKED, and stand in front of a full-length mirror. (Hee hee)

Honestly, what do you see? Pasty white rolls of fat? Gut hanging out? Too many beers and Big Macs? Super-size them fries? Hit the couch and clicker the minute you get home?                    

         fast food burger and fries supersized                  girl with tv clicker


You've let yourself go! We've got to work on this... The best novel in the world won't be read unless the dustcover is attractive and eye-catching. Sad but true!

Do you sometimes run into Wal-Mart in cutoff jeans, a sloppy t-shirt and dirty hair? Hope you don't run into anybody you know? Maybe you won't... but that might just be your future soulmate standing behind you in the checkout line. And you'll never find out, because all he saw was greasy hair and a chubby old butt hanging out. (Honest self appraisal hurts a little, you know?)

Resolve right now to never go out in public unless you have on nice, clean clothes, and are well-groomed. We are talking to you guys here, too. Treat every trip out as a potential opportunity to meet someone... look your best... present an attractive "dustcover" to the world... because you never know when it'll matter.
                             stack of nicely covered books


Alright, so we went off on a tangent... now, now where were we? Oh, yeah, in front of that mirror. Study yourself. Time for honest self appraisal. Make a list of your positive and negative physical attributes. Separate them into four columns:

               1. Positives--think of ways to accentuate
                   
these--(examples: healthy hair? Shampoo
                    daily, get expert haircut. Pretty eyes?
                    Play them up with makeup- great help with
                    this in Step 4)

               2. Negatives-but easy to change--work on
                    these now (example: toss out sloppy,
                    unflattering clothing- and show no mercy-
                    spring for some new threads--we'll show
                    you how in Step 4)

               3. Negatives & difficult to change--to be
                    worked on in Step 2 (examples: you know;
                    weight loss, quitting smoking, etc.)
 

               4. Negatives & impossible to change: Accept
                    now what you just can't change...(and no
                    surgery for you!)

                        ...LIFE IS GOOD, YOU KNOW? 
smiley face


       YOUR SECRET WEAPON...ATTITUDE  


Alright, you've had a good look at your BODY. Now, and more importantly... time to look at your ATTITUDE. More self appraisal.

What is your take on love and romance? Obviously, you want it in your life... or you wouldn't be here. And my guess is that you are alone for one of these two reasons:

            1. You have an urgent or frantic feeling about all
                this. You are trying too hard to attract a
                partner. You are desperate to find your true
                love... NOW. Well, guess what? Needy
                desperation is poison to relationships.  And
                you can't hide it... you have to get rid of it!   

                                                black skull and crossbones for poison

  OR,    2. You're the opposite. You're "not ready for
                love" 'til you get your life together. (Gotta
                accomplish all my goals, and get myself
                perfect and ready... then  I'll go out and find
                love).  Keep playing this "someday" game...
                all alone.
                                    photo of girl looking sad and lonely


            THE GOOD, THE BAD...  


The bad news is this: love is on a separate plane, a separate agenda. You cannot put it on your "to do" list. You can't make love happen... That's just not the way it works.

The good news is this: You will find that partner, that soulmate. It won't happen on your schedule, and it might not happen soon, but you have to go on trust here. Doing the most you can for yourself is all you can do. And, given enough time, good things and happiness will come into your life. And a mate, if that's what you want. Self appraisal is the first step to success.

We kicked this one around for a long time 'til we got it down in black-and-white. Here it is, and please take it to heart: Give it up for now! We need to work on making you happy with yourself first. Here's the "secret weapon"  when it comes to attitude:

     It's only when you let go of your need to have someone, that things begin to happen. When you chase it, it eludes you. But when you give up your need for it, it enters your life. And that's the truth!

                    


Now then, that wasn't so bad, was it? Ready for more?
On to Step 2? (Personal self improvement strategies)

or back to The Help Desk



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