flirting couple at dinner
       Tip on flirting ...

"Men are like parking spaces...all the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped".

                                  handicapped parking sign
Heard that one before? Or "There's just no good men around here". You know what we say to that ? Bull !
                                                           snorting bull
Quality men are everywhere. Yes, some are married---but many are single or divorced, too. This section is useful for you guys, too. Many of these ideas are just as likely to produce an abundance of good women, too. How to find them? As you go about your everyday business, do it this way:

  • Be clean, well-groomed, and wear a great scent
  • Girls, if it isn't feminine or sexy--- don't wear it
  • Guys, if it isn't stylish and flattering--- don't wear it
  • Approach any situation with a friendly, open-hearted attitude (this might take some practice)
  • The dates will come... and you will eventually find true love

You are just as likely to meet your soulmate while taking your dog to the vet as at an upscale club on a Saturday night. (More likely, actually... less competition).

So, girls, instead of going to Tire World in cutoff jeans, with greasy hair and a scowl on your face... try going in a cute sundress with some good-smelling stuff, a touch of makeup, and a friendly smile...

                                   happy girl in dress putting on makeup

Not only will you attract the married guy in the office, but he'll tell his single buddies wrenching in the back (they have a network of signals for a "chick alert"---so do grocery store guys, car salesmen, auto parts clerks...)

Your goal: to be the subject of a "chick alert". Why? You become a highly desirable woman to them. To get a date with you would bestow great status to the lucky guy.

                handsome man

And Men, you gotta know. Women generally do not   have a guy-alert-network. But if you show up looking polished and buff, in some flattering threads, you will turn a few female heads. Trust me...


              TIP ON FLIRTING  small love heart with arrow piercing it

Tip on flirting...

Have you recently been through a serious breakup or divorce? Don't fall victim to the "rebound effect"! Don't starting dating again until you are ready. Read this great article to help you decide if the time is right:  Ready to Date Again?

And if you are divorced, think long and hard before "tying the knot" again! Read why Paul McCartney's second marriage was doomed from the start:  The McCartney Love Tragedy.

Alright, so you think you're ready to start dating? Well, don't even consider jumping back into the dating game until you do a little soul searching and go to work on your attitude...

Have you ever gone to a party and seen the most unlikely couple there? The girl is overweight, her clothes don't fit right, her face isn't that pretty... and yet she's got the most gorgeous guy! And he's paying attention to her. And she smiles  a lot.

                                 smiling fat girl in green dress
Ain't fair, is it? You've got on a slinky designer dress, hair's perfect, chic and classy, right? And what's wrong with this picture?

                    chic and pretty blond in short dress         No guy!

Why? Attitude... aura... warmth... love.
You might be scaring away potential dates from the get-go by carrying around some negative attitudes... toward dating, love, men (or women), and life.

So you haven't had the best of luck in romance thus far. No matter what has happened to you... lose the bad. If you want to emerge a winner in the game of love... let the past go.

Make a pact with yourself. You're going to let go of anger, frustration, fear, sarcasm, gloom, bitterness. If you have a "man-bashing"  (or men, a "women-hating") mentality, you'll never find your soulmate. Guaranteed.

I guess this is all easy for us to say, isn't it? But this is one thing we all agree on... how essential it is to somehow bring about a positive attitude adjustment on yourself. (We also agree that meditation is a great way to do this--see Step 3 on coping skills).

You've got to get rid of those negatives! Smell the roses, count your blessings and dig in for the long haul...

      "Never think that God's delays are God's denials.
          Hold on; hold fast; hold out. Patience is genius"

        - Comte de Buffon, French naturalist (1707-1788)
                                   girl smelling red roses


              TIP ON FLIRTING  small love heart with arrow piercing it

Tip on flirting...

Meeting the right person is a numbers game. You must meet as many singles as possible. Your soulmate is out there. You just have to cross paths with him. And I guarantee he won't just plop down on your doorstep while you're inside watching X-Files reruns.

So... get out there! Go get your appointment calendar. Mark three unbreakable dates per week. Either real dates with a guy or just out... either alone or with one girlfriend. (Never travel in herds).


                    herd of cows

Stick to these dates no matter what... then, go about your business. Do things you enjoy. Start conversations with people who also enjoy these activities. Have a good time! You're out and about. You might or might not meet datable singles tonight...but you're going to enjoy the evening, anyway.

Where to find love? Read on.

Tip on flirting...

Below we have listed lots of super ideas for improving your social life. Print these lists out. Make it a point to try different ones, keep rotating. Your soulmate may well be hiding in one of those sailing classes, gallery openings, or karaoke nights...

There are three main ways to meet other singles:

  • At work
  • Through friends & acquaintances
  • Extracurricular activities


Tip on flirting...

They say to "never mix business and pleasure" (never date people from work). Yet, realistically, work is where you spend half your  waking hours. Common sense tells you to never date your boss, or  someone you supervise. But other than that, look around...let it be known you're available. Lots of successful romances begin at work.

Be sociable, attend work-related functions and seminars. Go to Happy Hour sometimes with your co-workers. Your cat won't starve.

                                         cat holding mouse by the tail

Tip on flirting...

Let your network of family, friends and acquaintances know you are  available...and would like to meet new eligibles.

This is probably the most effective and fruitful source of acceptable dating material. But you have to keep reminding them!


Tip on flirting...

This is a great way for you to take action--to expand and enrich your social life...and thus expose yourself to more potential dating partners.

Think! Make a list of your interests, hobbies... things you always wanted to do but never got around to. Take lessons, join a club. Watch the newspaper for local events coming up.  Just make sure  it's something men would participate in, too. You won't find Mr. Right  at a quilting bee...

                       women at quilting bee

             TIP ON FLIRTING  small love heart with arrow piercing it


CLUBS, SUPPORT GROUPS & SPECIAL INTEREST GROUPS (Check the local pages of your newspaper for listings) 

Homeowners group/Crimewatch
Writer's group/Book club
Classic car club
Coed softball or volleyball team
Ski club
Hiking, jogging or biking club (or find a popular path to
    do your exercise)
Political groups
Parents without Partners
Sierra Club
Bridge or Chess Club
Volunteer activities-hospitals, public schools, local
Outdoor sports--backpacking, camping, boating, sailing,
    skiing, kayaking and scuba diving (lots of men!)

At the jr. college, vocational school, adult continuing education

Art classes- watercolors, ceramics, sculpture, photography
Computer/ internet classes
Meditation or yoga instruction
Golf or tennis lessons
Dance- swing, salsa, ballroom or line dancing
Tae Kwon Do or Judo
CPR certification
Investment seminar
Woodworking or handyman courses
Sailing or scuba diving lessons
Learn to play a musical instrument
Acting/theatrical class
Learn a foreign language
Horseback riding lessons
Are you a daredevil? Take up skydiving!

Grab a friend and go

Food festivals
Craft fairs
Wine tasting
Personal-growth seminar
Music concerts & Outdoor jazz festivals
Sporting events-local high school games, golf or tennis
    tournaments, Pro sports games
Art exhibit or gallery opening
Singles dances
Parties- (never turn down an invitation)
Give a party or barbecue yourself
Give dinner parties weekly-ask your friends to invite
    single men
Flea markets
High school or college reunions
Monday night football at the pub
Super bowl party
Classic car show
Play at the community theatre


Church-singles events
Coffeehouse/internet cafe
Sidewalk cafe
Bookstore/library--magazine section
Health club/ coed gym
Gourmet shop/health food store
Sushi bar
The Park-offer to walk your neighbor's dog
Internet dating (See our section on Love on the 'Net)
Offline dating service (yellow pages)
Pool or hot tub in a nice apartment complex (If you
    don't live in one, make friends with someone who does)
Three day cruise to the Caribbean
Browse Lowe's, Home Depot or local hardware store
Bowling alley
Zoo or city aquarium

And last, but not least--Nightclub. Find a nice, friendly jazz or  piano bar--take a girlfriend and go on Karaoke night! This is great fun, on occasion. Just be careful, and don't drink too much, either.

As Ann Landers once said, "If you're looking for trout, don't go  fishing in a herring barrel".
                      buxom blonde fishing with man hooked      

             TIP ON FLIRTING  small love heart with arrow piercing it

Tip on flirting...

Flirting... does the word have negative connotations for you?  Then realign your attitude---flirting is nothing more than genuine,  open friendliness...

Sincere flirting cannot be faked. So you need to rediscover your  playful side...give yourself permission to connect with others.


Before you get "out there", have a little talk with yourself. You want  to  appear calm, emotionally open and approachable. And relax! Quit  taking all this so seriously. Keep your perspective and your sense of humor. Be willing to laugh at yourself. If you are always smiling and  having a good time, others will approach you. Persistence with patience.... and they will come.


Tip on flirting...

Figure out a way to make yourself stand out. Carry or wear a conversation piece: a pet, printed button or t-shirt, a funky hat or shoes, an interesting book or magazine. There must be something that's just the right "conversation starter" for you.

                                             chic girl with funky hat on


Tip on flirting...

Okay, now you're out there. Someone strikes your fancy. How do you  initiate an encounter? Scientific research has shown that a smile and brief but direct eye contact (look at his pupils) is the most effective  way to get them moving.

Maintain open body language---heart to heart, face to face. Face him with an open chest area, arms and legs uncrossed. Arms folded across your chest say "Nope, not this girl!"

Didn't work? Too good to let go? Then strike up a conversation yourself. Now, this is not easy to do. But force yourself at first, and  you'll get better at it, more comfortable. Just remember, you may be doing him a favor... most people are shy about "going first".

And you don't have to be a brilliant conversationalist, either. Just be  friendly, and start small talk or introduce yourself... the new, confident, relaxed you. Go for it! What do you have to lose?

For a quick roundup of some scientific research done to determine what it is that attracts a lover,  read  The Science of Love.

               "And in the end...
                    The love you take
                        Is equal to the love...
                            You make."

      The Beatles knew...          beatles walking down abbey road

Got a date? Super!
On to Step 6 for some great dating tips

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