LOVE STEP 6 - TIPS ON DATING

TIPS ON DATING (MAKE IT EASY ON YOURSELF...)

     

    girl and guy dating with glass of wine and heart
   
Tips on dating ...

All right, now, you've come a long way, baby. And now you're ready... get back into the trenches... and into the dating game!
                                        
 


                TIPS ON DATING small love heart with arrow piercing it
              YOUR DATING STRATEGY  


Tips on dating ...

Before you jump right in there, step back and take a look at the big picture...and remember these three things ...

    1. This is a long-term project that might take months...
        even years... so trust and be patient. Do NOT sit
        there at the table on your first date wondering if
        the kids will have your brown eyes or his blue ones!

    2. Lighten up--keep a sense of humor about the dating
        process, and laugh at yourself.  Have fun and you'll
        be fun. And irresistible!

    3. The most effective way to attract a true love is to
        become a loving person yourself. And first priority
        is to forgive and love yourself. Because the thing
        that will ultimately attract a quality partner to you
        is how you feel about yourself.

Got your head on straight? Great! Now let's plan your dating strategy...

Date more than one person at a time.  Why? Why not? You are free and single, uncommitted. You don't owe allegiance or monogamy to anyone... (yet). Keep multiple avenues open. This increases your chances of finding the right mate. It's that numbers thing, you know?

                                            line of stick men

And, dating multiple partners will keep you from being lonely or desperate. You won't pin all your hopes on one person. You won't be devastated when HE doesn't call again. Big deal! Let it go and on to the next one!

Relax and have fun. Meet new people. Expand your options... And don't forget your resolution... to get out there three times a week.


      TIPS ON DATING- A CALLING CARD small love heart with arrow piercing it
    NO, THIS DOESN'T MAKE YOU A CALL GIRL


Tips on dating ...

This is a must-have. A clever and unassuming way to give a guy your phone number. Much classier than scribbling on a matchbook cover or cocktail napkin. You need your very own calling card... And guys, this will work very well for you, too. Girls can pick up the phone too, you know.

Everybody has a skill or hobby that could be made into a "business card". What's yours? Start with your profession. Could you make a business card with a logo, based on nursing, or bookkeeping or lawn care? Are you an expert on orchids or watercolors or dog training? Get creative. Come up with something unusual if you want...

 
tarot card with queen       JENNY HARPER
                     TAROT READER
                       EXTRAORDINAIRE 
                        (931) 567-0034

It's a snap to make these things on your computer. Just go into the office supply depot, and ask them for Avery business card sheets. They come in a pack with directions to download the necessary free software,  right on the back. Easy, inexpensive and fun!

Print up a bunch, then... drop your card with the best of them!


             TIPS ON DATING  small love heart with arrow piercing it
       IN THE THICK OF IT...PARTY TIME!  


Tips on dating ...

Okay, we promised you some dating do's & don'ts... and here they are... (boy, did we have fun with these... what a trip down memory lane).

  • DON'T leave for your date without looking in the mirror... for spinach in your teeth, UFOs  in your nose, and deodorant marks on your sweater. Something that simple can bushwhack his first... and lasting... impression of you.
     
  • DO brush your teeth, then gargle with lemon juice (gets rid of even the most ghastly garlic breath). Guys, absolutely stellar hygiene! Check your fingernails!
     
  • DON'T wear too much makeup or perfume. Or show too much cleavage. Or bra straps. Or runs in your stockings. Hopefully not a problem for you guys.
     
  • DO be on time. Meet him there. Drive separately.
     
  • DON'T eyeball or flirt with other men, especially the waiter. Guys, don't flirt with the waitress or ogle busty patrons (unless it's your date!).
     
  • DO leave your cell phone in the car. And your watch.
     
  • DON'T order lobster thermidor and a bottle of Mouton Cadet if your date is having soup & salad bar with iced tea. Unless you can afford to pay your own check. Even so...
     
  • DO make frequent eye contact (with your date), and learn to listen twice as long as you talk.
     
  • DON'T talk with your mouth full. Keep your elbows off the table. Drop a napkin in your lap. Your Ma was right on this one.
     
  • DON'T be rude to the waiter, or make fun of people, or make sexist or racist remarks.
     
  • DO try to keep the conversation light and breezy. This is not the time to tell him how your bankruptcy is coming along, cry over your last boyfriend, or whine about how your biological clock is ticking...
     
  • DON'T talk about the following things, especially on a first date...

            --Don't argue about politics, religion or sex. Or sports.
            --Don't talk about clothing, makeup, hair, how
                long it took, how you look, how big your ass is,
                or how tough your diet is... leave your vanity
                in the vanity.
            --Don't whine about how slow the service is, how
                small the portions are or how the steak is
                better at Outback.
            --Don't talk about money---yours or his.
            --Don't talk about how well your new anti-
                depressant is working.
            --Don't tell him that your brother is finally
                getting out of prison next month.
            --Don't tell him how hard it is to keep the litter
                box clean with four cats in the house.
            --Don't reveal anything about your past sex
                life-- how many, how long it's been, unsavory
                past occupations,  social diseases or your
                afternoon delight with the refrigerator
                repair guy.
            --And above all, don't drink too much, spill your
                guts, cry, and tell him you think he's your
                new soul mate.


              TIPS ON DATING  small love heart with arrow piercing it
                 THE MORNING AFTER  


Tips on dating ...

Date's over...and whatcha doin? Waitin' by the phone? Forget it, Honey. Time to realign your attitude again. It's okay if and when you see him again. You will NOT obsess about this, no matter how hot he was... 
                                       
sad girl waiting by phone
If you find yourself changing your plans or forbidding other people to use the phone just because he MIGHT call... give it up... relinquish control... let things happen in their own good time. And your Mom was right here, too... there are plenty of fish in the sea !
                                                 
                               mermaid holding fish under her arm
And if you do have one calling back, don't be available all the time! It's not necessary for you to account for all your hours apart. He will chase you harder if you're a bit elusive. So, instead of jumping on that phone, let it keep on ringing sometimes. Dishonest? Nah, just smart!


"A man is like a cat; chase him and he will run. Sit still
  and ignore him
and he'll come purring at your feet"---

                       Helen Rowland, A Guide to Men, 1922
                                       elegant woman holding black cat       


               TIPS ON DATING  small love heart with arrow piercing it
       THE REAL MORNING AFTER... (SEX?)  


Tips on dating ...

Alright, did you do it? Did you sleep with him? Did you think this would bond him to you? Hook him? Make him hungry for more?

Well, it won't. You probably already know this if you've had one-night stands before. They never last, and actually ruin things that could've been super. So why did you do it? Some deep ingrained thing women have-- this hope that you can hold him with sex and little else.

Men really are hunters. They love the chase. True, they also enjoy the capture. But then, the hunt is over! And your phone won't ring.

Never become intimate with a man until you have become emotionally attached to one other. You'll be tempted to give yourself to him sexually, hoping that causes him to become emotionally involved. But, once again, it just doesn't work that way. Most men can enjoy a wild night of sex with you, with lots of hugging and kissing, then, once satisfied, they can just walk away from the situation.

Now, maybe we are generalizing, and there are some kind, sensitive males out there, who'd never think of taking advantage of tender and vulnerable you...

                                               tender vulnerable girl with heart hanging around her neck

But we are talking from years of experience here, and it's  a sad but true fact: Most men can easily separate sex from love, and most women can't!  Heed this one bit of advice and save yourself a lot of heartache.

Give this thing some time. A long time. Like 3 or 4 months. Yeah, right! Do you have anything to lose by trying this strategy? Give things time to cool down, and for you both to regain your senses. Did he actually stick around even though you said "NO"?  Heavens!  Later on, when you can honestly say "I love you" to one another, then that's the time to consider a deeper level of intimacy...

For a more detailed discussion about sex in a committed relationship, drop into our section on keeping love, and visit The Sensuous Woman.


                      TIPS ON DATING  small love heart with arrow piercing it
      SUGGESTED READING...CHECK IT OUT  


book dating 101 romance advice      
"Dating 101: The Instant Cure for Romance Blues"

          -by Melissa Darnay & Zella Case

Interesting and practical guide written by two professional matchmakers. The premise here is that a woman must operate from a position of strength in order to find a happy, lasting relationship. Cuts through the psych mumbo jumbo and right to the thick of the chase!


book make someone love you forever romance advice 
"How to Make Someone love You Forever in 90 Minutes or Less",       
           -by Nicholas Boothman

This book is not nearly as silly as the title sounds. Included are exercises to help improve your attitude, posture, poise, and "star quality".  How to approach strangers, conversation starters, how to ask for a date, active listening, body language, promoting chemistry... a very specific how-to guide.


book how to make anyone fall in love with you   
 
"How to Make Anyone Fall In Love With You"
        -by Leil Lowndes

This book would be more aptly titled "How to Make Somebody Fall In Love With You". The guide, with solid wisdom and scientific support,  is to help you "make things happen" when you've already found a potential love partner.


Tips on dating ...

We are all readers here at FL-KL. We believe in the power of books! What a great way to perpetuate your lifelong education!

For more great books with dating tips & advice on love and romance, go ahead on to Step 7, The Love Workshop.


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