confidant woman
  Stella's most excellent self
    esteem article...

This website is all about finding and keeping love. But we're going to step aside here for a moment, forget about all that, and talk about a different kind of love--- love for yourself. This is the heart of the whole matter, and probably the most important step of all.

                                woman holding a big red love heart

Go ahead, get yourself in shape, improve your appearance, get rid of some nasty habits. Educate yourself on dating etiquette. Then, relax. Take time out to enjoy the new, improved model. It's time now for you to come to the point where you honestly, sincerely don't care if you get a date or not. And if you've recently gone through a painful parting, read this solid advice for Surviving a Breakup.

This may not be easy, but you must gain peaceful acceptance of yourself, and where you are in your life. You must learn to love yourself first. Only then will true love come into your life. And it will happen when you least expect it to... when you're not looking for it.

Easy for us to say, huh? But how do you do this? Learn to love yourself? We each had different ways of explaining it, so we figured that if each of us told our story, and how we came to peace, you might find your own path to happiness, too...

             SELF ESTEEM ARTICLE  small love heart with arrow piercing it
           "BE YOURSELF"...BY "THE JOCK"   

                        girl playing tennis love zero 
Self esteem article...

I've always had a lot of self-esteem, so this was pretty easy for me. I have four older brothers, and they always made me feel special, so I already knew I was special from a young age. When it came to romance, I decided I was going to continue being special, too. Did you know that you can actually be yourself and win in the game of love?

I look around me and see so many people playing games, trying to be something they're not. Anything to find a soul mate and spark that special thrill called love. Problem is, once the magic leaves, they have to resort to being themselves again. What then? If you want someone to fall in love with you...then you'll have to be yourself!

Tennis, anyone?

            SELF ESTEEM ARTICLE  small love heart with arrow piercing it
                BY "THE MYSTIC"

               mystical woman reading crystal ball with lucky cat
Self esteem article...

I always look at things from a mystical, philosophical point of view. I believe in spirits, and souls, and angels, and that everything happens for a reason. And, I believe you have the power within you to make your own good luck in love. How? Quit thinking there's someone out there who can give you all the love you need. That's nonsense!

The best way to get love is to create it yourself!  By cultivating and nurturing caring, loving feelings, you can provide yourself with all the "soul food" you need. And the side effect of all this... those sweet feelings radiate outward to others. People instinctively gravitate towards loving souls, both men and women. And your cup will run over...

             SELF ESTEEM ARTICLE  small love heart with arrow piercing it
             "FOLLOW YOUR PASSION"...
                  BY "HIPPIE CHICK"

               hippie girl with floppy had smelling sweet red flowers
Self esteem article...

Hey, how are ya? I'm not talking about physical passion here, you know. I'm talking about soul passion. The good things in life. The stuff that really makes you happy! What is it for you? The sublime scent of your perfect rose garden? The velvety touch of a horse's muzzle? The haunting music from your own violin? The feel of warm salt spray on your skin as you conquer windsurfing? I could go on and on here, but I think you get the point. Finding a mate is not nearly as important as becoming your own person and following your passion.

Look inward. Instead of relying on other people for happiness, find your own. The best way to do this is to pursue a hobby or goal that really, really makes your soul happy. Become absorbed in it. So lost and happy that you find yourself humming while you do it....Then, you will ooze happiness and self-sufficiency. You will come from a place of "spiritual health"...and men will find you!

That's exactly what happened to me after years of frantically listening to my "biological clock" tick...It was only when I tuned it out that true love entered my life.

                        .....Peace, sister...      peace sign with flowers

         "LETTING GO"...BY "PEACHES" 

         luscious fuzzy peach
Self esteem article...

I guess you might say I'm the lover of the group. I like people, love to party. I was the girl who always had a boyfriend in school. But I've also had my lonely times. And times when I felt desperate to find a lover.


few years ago, I went through a sad and difficult divorce. Afterwards, I quickly found out it wasn't quite as easy to find a good boyfriend as it was in high school. After divorce, there is a tendency to panic. That's why so many new divorcees foolishly jump immediately back into know, the rebound effect. Scared to be alone. Luckily, I didn't make that mistake.

Anyway, there I was, divorced, lonesome and alone, trying to learn the new dating game in my thirties. I finally got tired of all the crap, and just decided to let go.  Boy, did that feel good!  I didn't give up on love or men, I just quit worrying about it.  I gave up control. I quit paddling upstream. I just let that canoe turn around and lazily float downstream, with the flow.

I let life come to me in it's own good time. And I felt light, and free of the burden, the struggle of trying too hard to connect. And I just knew that somehow, all would be well, and love would come back to me when it was time for it. And it did.
 boy frog jumping into pond to see cute girl frog
By the way, I'm the talker in the group, too. Can you tell?

                   SELF ESTEEM ARTICLE  small love heart with arrow piercing it
                "SELF LOVE"... BY STELLA  

                 stella holding love heart over her face  
Self esteem article...

Yeah, it's me, and if you've been following my story in this website, you kinda know a little bit about my past. I was married for 17 years before my divorce. I then spent years searching for a soul mate. I was rusty and trying too hard and went through a couple of less than ideal relationships.

l also tried moving, decorating a new house, and buying lots of things. Each new project I started or new toy I bought,  I thought it would make me happy. Of course, it didn't. I was lonesome, frustrated and angry, and my self-esteem was at an all-time low. What a dark time in my life!

I honestly don't know what helped me to let go, but I do give some credit to meditation and prayer. Man, it was delicious to let go. A sense of inner peace came over me. A celestial sedative! I started to make plans for pursuing my passion, scuba diving. The heck with dating, I was sick of the whole scene. I was going diving.

Something else happened to me about this time. I'm not sure exactly what brought this on, either. I just started forgiving myself, accepting myself, with all my imperfections. Kinda like I made peace with myself.

There was nothing wrong with me! I didn't need a man to validate me. I was a good woman, and special, and I had learned to love myself. What a rare and special gift. And it's there for you, too, if you'll just open up to it.

Well, that's my story. Soon afterward, a wonderful, special man with a big heart and warm arms entered my life...unexpected but very welcome. And I honestly believe that though we met,  we would not have connected and started dating if I hadn't come to a peaceful, self-confident stage in my life.

                            peace dove with olive leaf
P.S.- And I really did Feng Shui my house shortly before I met him!

"I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world..."
                                     -Lucille Ball (1911-1989)

            line drawing of lucille ball

             SELF ESTEEM ARTICLE  small love heart with arrow piercing it

 book expect a miracle help finding the right relationship 

Expect A Miracle
, By Kathy Freston     

True hope here. This book can create a true miracle for you. It's a hands-on guide to transforming your life. Through meditation and soul-searching exercises, the author guides you through spiritual housecleaning.

In finding joy and tapping in to the love within yourself, you set the stage for true love to enter your life. Not only will you bring a loving relationship home, you will bring tremendous peace and joy into your everyday existence.

Kathy states: "Miracles are always coming toward us, more abundantly than you could ever imagine. It is simply a matter of being open and ready to receive them. Our stillness is the ideal ground in which to plant that seed of perfect partnership."

We feel that Kathy's book truly embodies everything we've tried to say in this section, and gives you a step-by-step guide to follow. She's got it figured. Grab this book. And come full circle.

Self esteem article...

"Happiness is like a deer in the forest. If you pursue it, it runs away.  But if you sit quietly, forget the deer, and appreciate the beauty  around you, that deer will come to you..."
                                                 -Stella, 2004

                    beautiful deer in shadow at sunset

By now, you have seen how truly important we feel this step is for you. Just for good measure, we've got one last article for you: Be True to Yourself to Find True Love. It's worth the read.

So, that's our self esteem article... our wish is that one of these stories helps you find yourself and come to peace. Do you know someone else who could benefit from this page? Then share the wealth, it's easy to do!

Go on to Step 9-- our gateway to the second part of this website... keeping love alive.

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