loves me loves me not

by Maggie
(Canada)


Dear Stella,
I am a 50 year old woman and have been dating a 51 year old man for 13 months. I told him 7 months ago that I have strong feelings for him; he said he liked things the way they were. He has never been married but had been in a relationship 29 years ago and has a 26 year old daughter.

He seems to have a problem with showing emotion. He steers clear of serious conversation and is very outspoken. He talks alot. I have things to say and half the time I forget as he keeps talking about other things. His cats, golf game on tv or hockey. We do play a lot of board games. We do a lot together as in bowling and we go to the movies.

But I need him to at least tell me he cares for me, sit with me on the couch instead of his chair. He buys me a lot of things. Not jewelry, but that is fine. I am not looking for a commitment or marriage I have been there twice in 30 years. I have two grown children. I am slim and look after myself. I am independent.

But just want to know how much does he care for me or does he love me? How can I bring up the subject without him putting up his 4 walls? Thank you in advance

Maggie

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You can't change a man...
by: Stella

Hi Maggie,

You are faced with an age-old problem. Many women have this problem, me included, and this is it: Most men don't like to talk about love, and most women do.

Your guy is a confirmed bachelor, and not very romantic or verbal in the love department. He sounds like a good man, though, and it sounds like you two have fun together. And you love him.

You want him to sit on the couch, gaze into your eyes, and tell you he loves you. This just isn't going to happen anytime soon. You say you don't want to marry him or even commit to him, yet you want him to commit to you emotionally.

Why not just relax and enjoy the relationship? Show him you care, pull back on your emotional requirements and don't box him into a corner.

It is still early in your relationship (really). Let it unfold and mature in it's own way. Once he really trusts you, he may open up. Just be patient.

Good Luck!
Stella

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