Marriage Problems

by Confused Wife

My husband and I have been married for almost a year. For the past couple of months, we have been having some problems. We argue pretty much all the time. It's mostly him. He never wants to spend time with me. He never wants to hug, cuddle, hold hands, or anything that a young newlywed couple is supposed to do. Every time I try to cuddle with him, he always wants me to get up. He always has an excuse why he doesn't want to spend time with me.

I've really gotten to the point where I'm sick of trying to spend time with him. When we go to bed, he lays far away from me with his back turned away from me. I don't know what to do anymore. Most of our arguments are because he doesn't show he cares anymore. I love him and I don't want to just leave him, because we have a one year old together. I'm just sick of feeling like I'm begging for attention. I'm unhappy and I really dont know what to do anymore. Could you please help me and give me some advice.

Thanks, Confused

Answer From Stella:

Hi Confused,
I am so sorry to be a wet blanket, but things don't look too rosy for the future of your marriage. One really important question I have is this: did your husband act this way before, or is this new behavior?

Was he always kind of a cool cucumber, or was he loving and affectionate in the beginning? You may have just paired up with a guy who finds it hard to show love and affection, period. If you knew this in the beginning, then you should not expect to change a man after marriage, it just doesn't work that way. You should have made the decision whether you could live like this before you married him.

On the other hand, if he was a loving partner before and now he has totally cooled off, then things don't look promising. He is finding it hard to show emotions he doesn't feel. Why the change of heart? Can't really tell from your submission.

One last observation, you stated you didn't want to "just leave him" because you have a child together. You did not say you didn't want to split for reasons of your own. This just doesn't sound like the foundation of a strong marriage on both your parts.

Regardless, if you do want to try to save your marriage, you're going to have to get him to the counselor's table. If all you two do is argue over this, you need some professional marriage counseling to intervene and perhaps help turn things around.

Good luck to you both, I wish happier days ahead for you.

~Stella


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