most difficult decision ever

by Laura

I apologize in advance for the lengthy details, but I want you to have a better idea of what's going on.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost seven years. We were together all through high school and most of college, and have lived together for the past year. Neither one of us has ever dated anyone else but each other, and we pretty much grew up into young adults together. Now that we're at the point of deciding on life after college, we seem to be heading in different directions.

Since we've been dating, we've had ups and downs as any couple. However, my concerns have always centered on how surprisingly different we are. He is a very straight-forward, serious person, while I am more laid-back and impulsive. He is also very reserved and doesn't enjoy meeting new people. I am probably his best friend, and he is mine.

Lately, I've been seeing our differences the greatest, and that's taking a toll on how I feel about our future together. Some of my friends tell me that I should be with someone who is more like me and appreciates me more. And they are right, I feel as though my special boy no longer sees me as special, which in turn makes me feel less attracted to him and doubt if staying with him is worth my time. He has qualities which I admire, such as intelligence and loyalty, but he is rather effeminate and extremely shy. I just can't imagine being happy with him in the future, even though we've had really good times in the past.

So, I just told him we shouldn't keep seeing each other after this school year ends. This had a surprisingly devastating effect on him, and he told he's loved me every minute and can't imagine himself with anyone but me.

I just can't tell if that's the 6+ years worth of attachment talking, or if we really have something special worth working at... I can't really ask anyone I know, because I don't want my family or friends to worry about this for me. I do feel extremely guilty, and can't pick a side..

I will appreciate your wise opinion, as always.

Answer from Stella:

Hi Laura,

It's clear that you had already made your decision, that you did not love him enough or see a future with him. You only changed your mind when you saw how hurt he was. You will not do him any favors by staying with him simply out of guilt.

If you really don't love him enough to spend the rest of your life with him, do the kind thing and break it off now. He will definitely hurt, but he will heal from the break and in the long run will be happier without a wife who doesn't care.

Hope this helps!

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