My BF can't deal that I defeated him

by Jennie

Dear Stella

Basically, I think my boyfriend is being really pissy over something I didn't think was a big deal. We were talking the other day about sports we no longer take part in but used to enjoy and I mentioned that I used to do judo in college and was pretty good, even though I only received a beginner's yellow belt.

He thought this was hilarious because I'm tall and blond and weigh around 125lbs, and I guess he didn't think that a pretty girl could fight her way out of a paper bag, much less do a martial art.

So when he got done laughing at me (he really was laughing), I challenged him to a wrestling match. Long story short, I used some timely leg sweeps and wrist throws to send him to the floor a few times, and after a while he got so tired out that his strength advantage was gone, and I was able to pin him.

Well, I figured he would have learned his lesson, but he's totally bent out of shape about it...he's been pouty and obnoxious ever since the match and keeps challenging me to a rematch, saying I got lucky, and that he wasn't trying hard...all this stuff to protect his macho ego.

So what do I do? Give him a rematch and let him win? (He would totally rub it in my face and say things like "I told you women can't fight"). Or agree to a rematch and try my best again, risking another blow to his ego if he loses? Or just refuse and tell him to deal with it? (I've tried that last option and he just won't let it go).

And, Stella, please tell me--have YOU ever beaten a guy at something physical and had him react this way?


From Stella:

Hey Jennie,

I can't see how anything will be gained by holding a repeat match... no matter what the outcome, your guy is going to react poorly.

You whupped his male ego, and he is not swallowing that easily. But he needs to let it go.
He needs to take his lumps and get past it. If in time, he cannot, you need to do some soul searching about this guys maturity... really.

Hope this ends well for you guys,

P.S. Years ago, I beat my husband at a game of tennis (soundly). (I just don't believe in taking a dive to save a guys ego). He got pissy, but he let it go after a few days.

Comments for My BF can't deal that I defeated him

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Don't Let Him Win
by: Anonymous

The guy is being a jerk. There are some women who can legitimately defeat a male in an athletic contest from tennis all the way to wrestling. Do not let him win.

Character Shows
by: Anonymous

If he was any kind of a guy, he would let his bruised ego be transformed into respect for your skill, adoration of the strength hidden behind your femininity, and puff himself up with pride that he has attracted such a creature.

Unfortunately he is showing you that life with him will be a constant game of one-ups-manship. You can do better.

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