My Ex

by Theresa I.
(Suffolk, United Kingdom)

We split up 5 days ago and he moved straight in with his new lady. We had been together for 12 years when he left me and our 10 yr old daughter. He told me he didn't love me any more and he loved her. I just sat there crying. I thought he went straight to her but he didn't. I have learned since that he drove around then sat and cried for a couple of hours. He didn't answer her calls then he heard she (new lady)wanted him to go over and that was it, he moved in with her.

Now, 5 days later, he says he may have made a mistake and he's not sure how he really feels about me or her. I just feel so hurt and my head is spinning I don't know what to think and am finding it hard to cope with.

He did say that even if he left her he didn't think moving straight back in with me would be a good idea; and I sort of agree.

Please help I'm going mad trying to sort all this out.


Dear Theresa,

Do yourself a favor and make no decisions or life changes right now. And that includes letting him move back in with you.
You are in the midst of new grief, and it will take quite some time before you can even think straight again. And you need a clear head for the serious decision that lies ahead.

Just because your ex is having second thoughts and getting cold feet about his rash move doesn't take away the fact that he cheated on you, left you, and hurt you badly. This man is a disaster area for you right now; it would be best if you cut all contact with him while you work through your grief and sort out your feelings.

I will not say your ex is evil or even a bad person. He is only human, and humans make mistakes. Maybe given time you two will even determine that you really do love each other and belong together. Just don't rush it. You must be sure this is what you really want and need, as the risk is great that he may do it again. A cheating man is usually a cheating man. If you do eventually decide to reconcile, go back into it with your eyes wide open.

I know you are devastated, and my heart goes out to you. Good luck, dear.

Comments for My Ex

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I feel your pain....
by: Kauai Girl

I am almost having the same problem as you but he still lives with me. We have been married this month for thirty two years and he now tells me he wants to go out and see whats out there for him. I know he is having another affair even if he tells me they are just friends. He cheated on me from the beginning of our marriage. I only found that out in 2006. I asked him for a divorce but he asked me to give him another chance to work things out. Well he is still continuing to do it but yet with another woman. We agree to have a divorce because thats the only way she will take him in. I feel your pain and it is so hard to deal with but we need to just take it one baby step at a time. Good luck cause we will need it. Trust is hard to regain after being hurt badly. Just don't break that wall down until you are sure it's ready to be broken. God Bless!!

by: theresa

Thank you so much for your comments, I feel for you so much, it is a hard thing to cope with. My friends have been my rocks and stopped me from completely breaking down. I'm starting to recover slowly but the other woman is being a complete ??? to me, and I've done nothing wrong! Oh well I guess they will all get their just desserts in the end (i hope). You take care of yourself,

Move on
by: Anonymous

Theresa if he did it once there's no guarantee he won't do it to you again.
Tear the bandage off and leave him.

There are still a few good men out there - pray and be patient. Love yourself for a while so you don't repeat this by ending up with another one of the bad ones.

Been there done that and it's not worth it hon.

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