Need advice

by Ulvar Kirs
(Estonia)

Dear Stella,


I write to you because I really need help. I’m 18 years old and I have never had a girlfriend. And now to the problem...

I met one girl about year ago, She’s only 13 but I don’t care about age. At the beginning we talked and hanged out often (not just the two of us, but in small group)and we get along well.

But after few months I said that I love her and asked if our age gap disturbs her and she said that a little bit. I even asked does she think that we could be a couple one day and she said that she’s not sure.

After that she doesn't seem to be interested in talking with me and is even a bit reticent. She does answer to my questions, but she doesn’t start conversation with me and always answer very shortly to my questions.

I have done many compliments to her and been very nice to her. She hasn’t said the final NO, so should I still try to win her heart?

I have been thinking about aksing her out on a date, but I’m pretty sure that she will reject. So should I do that or not? What is the good places I should take her. I thought the movies could be good.

I think it's not good to ask her out to eat or somewhere like that because she doesn't really talk that much to me and then there's a chance that will happen many unpleasant silences, and I wanna avoid them.

I’m really in love with her and can’t stop thinking and dreaming about her. I think she could be the one and only who I’ve been searching for. I don't want to let her go so easily, cause I know I can never forget her.

Is there a way how I can raise her interest about me? Please tell me what should I do cause I really want to be with her the rest of my life.

Sincerely,
Ulvar Kirs
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From Stella:

Dear Ulvar,

Unfortunately, the future doesn't look all that great for this relationship. First, you definitely jumped the gun in telling her you loved her before you even had a date!

This has probably scared her off a bit and is why she is not real warm or talkative. I'm sorry to tell you this, but maybe you could learn not to do that with the next girl.

Secondly, yes, you are too old for her. Age differences don't matter at all when you are both adults, but this girl is still a child. I don't know about your country, but in the U.S., she would be legally "off limits"!

If you really think this girl might be the "special one" for you, then be prepared for a loooooong wait. She needs a good 4-5 years to grow up and mature in her social life before she would be capable of hooking up with you in a meaningful way. In the meantime, you would be wise to let her be. If you keep pressing her, she will really start to avoid you. Just stay a friend for now, be pleasant, and my best advice to you is NOT to ask her out.

Try to look for some girls at least 17, and just try asking them out. You will only get more comfortable in the dating scene if you at least try.

Best of luck to you Ulvar, I wish I had better news for you.

Stella

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