Never knew I loved her so much

by Shy-paranoid
(India)

It was two years back when I was 17. I had a very good and lovely friend. I called her lovey. We were childhood friends. Both his parents are also very good friends of my parents. I never understood my feelings for her. I just took her as a very good friend. And then one day one of my friend told me that he proposed her and she said yes.

There were many of our friends around who started cheering him and so he was not able to see my face but if he had then he would have understood that something was wrong. I don't know why but when he told me that she said yes it felt like everything from me was taken away. Even though I never felt love for her before but at that exact moment I was able to understand what really was between us.

At that moment I also cheered for my friend but in my heart I felt like something very important, something very dear to me, like some part of me was taken away. That day I went to my home and cried for a girl for the first time. After that I kept my mouth shut even though I was sad cos Stan (the boy who proposed her) and lovey were very important to me and I didn't wanted to loose either of them.

Days went by and then one night lovey called me. She said that she is not happy with this relationship and that she doesn't loves him. I asked her why she said yes in the first place ?? She told me she didn't want to hurt his feelings as he was also a good friend of hers.

After knowing this I told her what I felt for her. She told her she also does. It was like heaven, but alas there stood a problem. I respect my parents a lot and when I told my mother about her I dunno why but she disagreed strongly . Same with my father. And I was too coward to stand up to them. That night was my worst night ever. That night when I turned her down , actually that night I turned myself down cos I was a fxxxing coward. I dunno why maybe I was young or scared or whatever but I couldn't stand up to them. That night I made her cry.....

Then we both went to college and after a year we came back to our home. She came to meet me. That one year when I was away from her, all I kept telling myself that she is nothing to worry about. But in the end in my heart I knew she was that one thing and only thing that I should care about the most.

When she came to meet me I was not able to meet her eyes. Not cos of guilt but because whenever I saw her face I literally kept forgetting about what I was saying or what we were talking about. When she went away, I talked to my big sister. I told her everything and said that I cannot live apart from her.

That day I realized that I had to do something, so I talked to my mother and told her that it is my life and i dunno why but if u don't like her it is not my problem. I am also a person, I have my own feelings, I feel pain, joy and I have a mind of my own, and I can decide who is the person I love or not.

Saying that, I called her. I told her that I am sorry, I put my heart out in front of her, I told her everything, nothing but plain truth. I proposed her....
But ...
Huh...
My fxxxing luck...

She told me that after I broke up with her she was too shattered and then there was a boy who helped her cope with things, he helped her at the time when she was down, and he cared for her and loved her.....and.........and She did too!!

My life was shattered beyond recognition. But I think it serves me right, not understanding the importance of what I had, I let it go away.
I am 20 now and I still love her the same way as before, she still is my best friend, and I have told her that I still love her and that I will always do cos it's up to me in the end...to love you. And she is okay with that ...at least she is my friend now, I have met some girls since then but they are nothing like her.

I love her too much, though I know I will never get her, neither am I trying to get her back, I am happy that she is happy. U may think what a lame boy and what a foolish line to say. But u have to be in true love to understand what the other ones happiness truly means to you.

I am still single, and maybe I will stay single cos I don't think I will ever find a girl like her again. But I will love her forever !!!

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