Old enough to know better

by Martha
(Rye, NY)

It's been a horrible year. The death of a parent in January, job lay-off in June, and now a break up with my handsome and amazing boyfriend of 5-years. The first two tragedies blind-sided me. The break up was something that I initiated. The depression that has taken me over while in a job search during a horrific economic climate has been a challenge.

My boyfriend said that "I don't have to go through this time alone" (but he really didn't mean it.) He's been subtly trying to push me away for the past few months. He was recently promoted and moved to a new city. We've always known our relationship would be "for now" rather than one which would be forever. Our age difference of nearly 18-years (he is 30 and I am 48) and the differences in our goals dictated that we would eventually part. I never expected that we would have lasted this long. Now that we have, the break up - especially in light of all of the other losses I've endured this year, is overwhelmingly heartbreaking.

We still love each other deeply... but I didn't want to keep him from his goals, and I could see we were starting to fray. I didn't want to ruin our love by allowing the relationship to disintegrate into bitterness or resentment. Better to leave while we still have passion for each other. He agreed.

Trying to get over him is awful. I have so many hours in the day that are potentially idle (though I am diligently looking for work.) I find myself obsessing about him. Checking my email for a note....checking his Facebook page for an update... wanting to hear from him. I'm deeply grieving our relationship. Feeling like a fool for loving him so deeply. Yes, when it came to falling in love with him - I knew the job was dangerous when I took it. I didn't expect it to be a suicide mission though. I'm heartsick on so many levels. I feel like I'm dying.... and feel like I want to die. How do I pick up the pieces from so much loss? Please help me.

Answer from Stella:

You are grieving from your losses; you might find this website very helpful:
Recover From Grief

Hope this helps!

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